Amy: Have you tried letting go of the rope?
Sheldon: What, are you crazy? I'm on a unicycle.
Amy: All right, well, have fun.
Sheldon: Wait, I need help getting down.
Amy: Well, what do you want me to do?
Sheldon: Drag out our mattress and put it over here, then go across the hall, get their mattress and put it over here. But before you do any of that, scratch my nose.

Raj: Yeah, this military guy showed up at Howard's door. He was terrifying.
Sheldon: Oh no, what did he say?
Raj: He gave me his business card and asked me to please pass it along to Howard.
Sheldon: That doesn't sound terrifying.
Raj: Not to a white guy born here, no. To a brown guy whose name has a lot of syllables in it - terrifying.

Amy: What are you looking at?
Sheldon: Comments from our Behind the Flags retrospective. Get this, people are calling it "the longest one yet".

Sheldon: We don't need Howard's cousin, no. We have me.
Leonard: You're not a lawyer, Sheldon, you're just a know-it-all.
Sheldon: I am not a know-it-all. I'm a person who knows lots of things and likes to correct other people when they're wrong.
Leonard: That's the definition of being a know-it-all.
Sheldon: Or in German, a Besserwisser.

Penny: Oh God, I feel so bad, I just lied to her.
Amy: Oh, but you did it so well. That's amazing! It's like watching a sculptor, but your clay was lies.

Lucy: Can I just say something? Going out with Raj was one of the best things that ever happened to me.
Raj: Yes, I'll take you back.
Lucy: It's like I needed to go through that experience to know what exactly I don't want in a man.
Raj: That's hard to hear, but I'll still take you back.

Amy: I made your favorite oatmeal - plain.

Colonel Williams: I'll cut to the chase. The Air Force believes there's an application for this technology, and we're interested in funding your research.
Howard: Well, thanks, but you should know we're a little concerned about this being used in weapons.
Colonel Williams: Oh, well, let me put your mind at ease. What we use it for is none of your business.

Leonard: Buddy, buddy, listen, nothing bad is going on, she just she just didn't want you to know that the work on her apartment was finished a couple weeks ago.
Sheldon: I don't understand.
Leonard: She's enjoying living with you and she didn't want it to end early.
Sheldon: So, she's deceiving me in order to spend more time with me?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Oh. Well, I feel both flattered and hurt. Like when people say I look like that skeleton from Nightmare Before Christmas.
Raj: Oh my God, that's who you look like.

Amy: Sheldon, that's enough.
Sheldon: Oh, yeah, no, fine. Let's just agree that both creations are special in their own way and it is foolish to try and compare them. Although, we didn't need to have sex with Howard for ours, so we win.

Leonard: It's not that I'd stopped trying, it's just how relationships progress. They start with infatuation, but over time mellow into something more comfortable.
Sheldon: Hmm. Yeah, you're right. It's like when I first encountered the Pythagorean Theorem. You know, I was blown away that the square of the hypotenuse was the sum of the squares of the opposite sides. Yeah, but now I'm just like "eh."

Penny: You can stay in Leonard's room, and we'll stay at my place.
Amy: You're sure that's not an inconvenience?
Penny: No, not at all.
Leonard: And we live with Sheldon, so the word "inconvenience" has really lost all meaning.

Penny: She said not to come. It's gonna be a while.
Amy: (sighs) Well, first deliveries can be slow.
Sheldon: I am starting to rethink the Flash onesie I bought this kid.

Bernadette: You know, I just read that a team at MIT developed a device that helps people read human emotions.
Leonard: And you think we can get those guys to reprogram Sheldon? Cool.

Amy: Aww, I remember signing our first Relationship Agreement.
Sheldon: You seem to be forgetting the "no nostalgia" clause.