Penny: She said not to come. It's gonna be a while.
Amy: (sighs) Well, first deliveries can be slow.
Sheldon: I am starting to rethink the Flash onesie I bought this kid.

Penny: Uh, what's new?
Zack: Oh, tons of stuff. Put artificial grass in my backyard, got engaged, had a scary mole that turned out to be Sharpie.
Penny: Well, congratulations.
Zack: That's what my dermatologist said.
Penny: No, on getting engaged, good for you.
Zack: Oh, thanks.

Leonard: It's not that I'd stopped trying, it's just how relationships progress. They start with infatuation, but over time mellow into something more comfortable.
Sheldon: Hmm. Yeah, you're right. It's like when I first encountered the Pythagorean Theorem. You know, I was blown away that the square of the hypotenuse was the sum of the squares of the opposite sides. Yeah, but now I'm just like "eh."

Colonel Williams: I'll cut to the chase. The Air Force believes there's an application for this technology, and we're interested in funding your research.
Howard: Well, thanks, but you should know we're a little concerned about this being used in weapons.
Colonel Williams: Oh, well, let me put your mind at ease. What we use it for is none of your business.

Penny: You can stay in Leonard's room, and we'll stay at my place.
Amy: You're sure that's not an inconvenience?
Penny: No, not at all.
Leonard: And we live with Sheldon, so the word "inconvenience" has really lost all meaning.

Bernadette: You know, I just read that a team at MIT developed a device that helps people read human emotions.
Leonard: And you think we can get those guys to reprogram Sheldon? Cool.

Amy: Sheldon, that's enough.
Sheldon: Oh, yeah, no, fine. Let's just agree that both creations are special in their own way and it is foolish to try and compare them. Although, we didn't need to have sex with Howard for ours, so we win.

Amy: What are you doing?
Sheldon: I'm just contemplating Buridan's donkey.
Amy: I understand. I'll leave you be.
Sheldon: What, you're familiar with the reference?
Amy: Of course. Jean Buridan proposed a philosophical thesis stating that a hungry donkey placed between two equidistant bales of hay would be paralyzed by indecision and would starve to death.
Sheldon: Exactly.
Amy: Well, I wouldn't want you to starve to death, so here's an eggplant.
Sheldon: Thank you.
Amy: You know, some people believe that Buridan was plagiarizing Aristotle.
Sheldon: Really?
Amy: Although, in Aristotle's example, he proposed an equally hungry and thirsty man caught between food and drink.
Sheldon: Huh. Yeah, I wonder if that's related to the 12th century Persian philosopher, Al-Ghazali and his story of a man caught between two dates.
Amy: Are you suggesting Al-Ghazali was Aristotelian? 'Cause if anything, he was anti-Aristotelian.
Sheldon: Al-Ghazali was anti-Aristotelian? Boy, you think you know a guy.

Sheldon: It says here that up to 80% of new mothers experience baby blues. And that the best thing to do is reassure them that they're doing a good job. Bernadette, you are doing a good job.
Bernadette: Thank you, Sheldon, I'm feeling better now.
Sheldon: Thank you, Internet. I'm telling you, with the right YouTube video, I can give Howard a vasectomy.

Sheldon: How much will it hurt?
Amy: It's just a tiny skin sample. You saw me do it to myself.
Sheldon: On a scale of one to ten, where one is a pebble in your shoe and ten is the monkey you thought was your pet biting your face off.
Amy: A two.
Sheldon: Eating a whole Altoid?

Sheldon: Oh, you know. The Lone Star state. That should be its Yelp rating.

Sheldon: No matter where I am, this will always be my spot.

Amy: Why don't you ask me what I'm working on?
Sheldon: Oh, very well. What have you been working on? And feel free to honk during the boring parts.

Bert: Okay, well, thanks for coming by. You're nice people.
Penny: Well, so are you. In fact, you know what? We will never take you for granite. Did you get that? Granite? A little geology joke.

Amy: Aww, I remember signing our first Relationship Agreement.
Sheldon: You seem to be forgetting the "no nostalgia" clause.