Sheldon: Well, I would say that this constitutes a catering crisis.
Amy: I agree. Who's gonna step up and handle it?
Leonard: Doesn't matter. This is fine.
Amy: Penny?
Penny: (mouth full) What?
Howard: You know what? I'll take care of it.

Sheldon: I believe today is Bernadette's due date.
Howard: Yeah. How do you know that?
Sheldon: Easy. 40 weeks from the date of her last period.
Howard: And why do you know that?
Sheldon: Well, excuse me for taking an interest in people.

Sheldon: Excuse me, b-before we start eating, I-I would like to make a toast.
Leonard: Oh, nice.
Sheldon: If only I could think of one. Someone else go.

Sheldon: Yeah, not to brag, but Amy's last birthday brought my coital tally up to four.
Leonard: Whatever you're doing, it's not bragging.

Penny: Hey. Here's the sewing kit you asked for.
Sheldon: Ooh! A minute, 19. Quick.
Penny: You were timing me?
Sheldon: Yes. I am going through a bit of a timing phase. How long will it last? We'll find out.

Bernadette: I just love them so much.
Howard: Me, too. My heart feels like it's gonna explode. Of course, it's full of brisket, so it probably will.

Amy: Well, these are positive changes. Studies with rats show that new mothers are more sensitive to danger, better at multitasking and bolder in the pursuit of food.
Bernadette: I did stick a couple lamp chops in my purse.
Amy: So that's what I was smelling.

Bernadette: Sorry I talked about my kids the whole time.
Amy: Oh, don't worry about it. I mean, besides you cutting up my meat for me, it was a lovely lunch.

Raj: Boy, seeing them all together like that has got my biological clock ticking like crazy.
Penny: Yeah, I don't think men have-
Raj: I do.

Penny: What is this picture?
Amy: Oh, it's an MRI of our brains photoshopped to look like they're kissing.
Sheldon: Is it too sexy?
Penny: It's too something.

Penny: Hey, come on, look, you said a few dumb things on the radio-- what is the worst that could happen?
Leonard: I may get fired.
Penny: Okay, well, even if you did, you could find another job.
Leonard: Yeah, who wouldn't want to hire the physicist who publicly said physics is dead?
Penny: Well, I wouldn't put that under "special skills."
Leonard: I can fix it, I just need to write a retraction I don't believe in. Basically sell out to keep my job.
Penny: Great, I'll leave you to it.

Raj: What would you do if you had a billion dollars?
Howard: Same as Bill Gates, try to make the world a better place, but I'd do it in a working Iron Man suit.
Raj: I didn't know that came in a boys' medium.

Raj: Well, on one hand, they filled my tub with scented oils and brought me honeyed sweets; on the other hand, I spent my twenties incapable of talking to women. So you know, pros and cons.

Amy: You're right. We both do important work. I'm trying to map the structures of the brain and you're trying to convince people that itchy hair is a real thing.
Bernadette: It is a real thing! It happens to be a side effect of our cholesterol drug.

Howard: Oh, I didn't even know I was capable of loving someone so much.
Bernadette: More than me?
Howard: Wha--
Bernadette: Uh, I'm just messing with you. I totally love them more than you.
Howard: I get that. I would take a bullet for them. But I would get seriously mutilated for you.
Bernadette: That's sweet. But you should know, if you got seriously mutilated, I might dump you.
Howard: You'd be crazy not to. Even unmutilated, I'm no prize.