Amy: So if anyone brings it up tonight, just maybe you can help me change the subject.
Sheldon: How about this? I dominate the conversation so hard, no one has a chance to get a word in edgewise.
Amy: I don't know. They might see that coming.

Amy: Hi. What are you doing?
Sheldon: Leonard and Penny are trying to turn the tenants against me, so they are about to see just what kind of power the president of the tenants association wields.
Amy: "You must be at least this tall to use washing machine"?
Sheldon: I'm gonna hang it up higher than Leonard. And then his clothes will smell. And nobody's voting for a man with smelly clothes. No, not when there's a perfectly unscented incumbent on the ballot.

Raj: It's just it's hard talking to my other friends about this, but I knew you would understand.
Stuart: Why is that?
Raj: Because you and I are both alone, which is actually kind of comforting, because at least we can be alone together.
Stuart: Mm. This is, this is awkward. I, um, I was actually gonna close up a little early tonight 'cause I have a date.
Raj: Really?
Stuart: Yeah.
Raj: (clears throat) Forgive me if I'm having trouble being happy for you.
Stuart: Don't be silly, I'm loving your pain.

Howard: Honey, babies don't always come on their due date. Halley was two weeks late. [seeing Bernadette's stare] But this baby's a boy. They don't take as long to get ready.

Howard: But this time-
Stuart: It was me. Yeah. I was trying out a flirty new smile.
Howard: Now, I don't use the word "ghoulish" a lot, but I-I just can't think of another word.

Penny: Hey, how'd it go?
Leonard: Well, apparently he's not leaving and I have to go get him sparkling water.
Penny: Why are you smiling?
Leonard: I don't know. It just feels right.

Amy: I thought we were having dinner at Leonard and Penny's.
Sheldon: Oh, no. No, they're watching the new Professor Proton. I can't keep Wil Wheaton off the Internet, but I can keep him off my retinas.

Raj: I don't know which Hemsworth is playing Logan Dean, but I know it's a Hemsworth.
Leonard: Well, Logan's actually based on me.
Raj: So a young Paul Giamatti.

Amy: Well, what if I watch it with you? Maybe I won't like it and we can complain about it together.
Sheldon: Get your own thing to complain about.
Amy: Oh, trust me, I've got one.

Bernadette: If you really want to help, put on a rubber glove, reach on up there and start pulling.
Penny: I know you're joking, but I grew up on a farm. I'll do it.

Amy: But how do we apply quantitative metrics to something as subjective as choosing a wedding party?
Sheldon: That decision only seems subjective. In reality, people in a wedding party perform very specific functions, and some will perform those better than others. If I may use a superhero analogy-
Amy: You may not.

Sheldon: I'm sorry. It's, I'm trying to show you that I can change. I don't want you to miss out on things because of me.
Amy: I know you don't.
Sheldon: You know, and maybe somewhere out there, there is a little girl who will see you on Wil's show and realize that she, too, can grow up to be a brilliant, amazing, successful scientist.
Amy: Thank you.
Sheldon: Who is really terrible at chess.
Amy: Got it.
Sheldon: No, no, no. I mean really bad. What was your queen doing over there, going shopping?

Sheldon: Do you have any mail for Dr. Sheldon Cooper?
Mailman: I do, but I can't hand it right to you. I have to put it in the box.
Sheldon: And that is what separates the U.S. Postal Service from those hippies at FedEx.

Amy: How are we gonna make these decisions without anybody getting upset?
Sheldon: Well, what if we take emotion out of the process, and base it on empirical metrics? Then we aren't really making the decision; the data is.
Amy: So we can hurt our friends' feelings without taking any responsibility? Me likey.

Leonard: Hey, Sheldon. We found something pretty interesting.
Amy: Huh. Well, that is surprising. I, for one, have no idea what they're talking about.
Leonard: Turns out, when Amy took over Penny's apartment, she was put on the lease, not you.
Penny: Yeah, and when I moved across the hall, you got taken off the lease and I got added.
Amy: Well, what are you saying? That Sheldon's not technically a tenant at all and therefore, has no standing to be president of the tenants association no matter who votes for him? I don't know how you found that out, but I am guessing all on your own.