Sheldon: I just know how much Professor Proton touched me as a child, and I feel that I owe it to him to try and touch as many children as possible.
Leonard: You should put that on your audition tape.

Penny: Don't be silly. I'll take the rest of the day off and watch Halley for you.
Bernadette: Or we can call Stuart. I'm sure he could close up the store, hop on a bus, and be here in no time.
Howard: He does love the bus.

Amy: Hey, how you doing?
Penny: What are you doing here?
Amy: Oh, I just came by, you know, to see if you need any help.
Penny: Howard and Bernadette asked you to check up on me.
Amy: That is not entirely true. So did Leonard and everybody.

Penny: How irresponsible do you all think I am?
Amy: We don't think you're irresponsible. We think you're fun-loving.
Penny: That is just a nice word for "irresponsible."
Amy: Hmm. You might be more on the ball than we thought.

Raj: All right! Who's excited to see a documentary?
Penny: Oh, I know this one. Nobody. Ever.

Bernadette: I really appreciate the thought, but it's not necessary. I'll be back soon.
Ruchi: Don't worry about work. You take all the time you need.
Raj: Yeah, just turn off your brain and let your uterus do its magic. It's the star of the show now.

Leonard: We can have "take charge" attitudes.
Colonel Williams: Then why didn't either of you ask to be team leader?
Leonard: We didn't want to step on anyone's toes.

Raj: So it turns out Ruchi is totally trying to take over Bernadette's projects.
Penny: Wow, she just told you that out of the blue?
Raj: Yeah, yeah, we had just made love. It was so beautiful. Our caramel-colored bodies were entwined like erotic taffy-
Penny: Get to the point!

Raj: Uh, sorry, uh, yeah. I asked her about work, and she just admitted she has her eyes on Bernadette's projects.
Penny: Can't believe she would take advantage of a pregnant lady like that. So what did you do?
Raj: What do you think I did? I made small talk for 20 minutes and had sex again.

Penny: You have to say something to Bernie.
Raj: I don't know. If I do that, she's gonna confront Ruchi, and then Ruchi's gonna stop sleeping with me.
Penny: Raj, you can't go on sleeping with a woman who's trying to screw over your friend.
Raj: Can't or must?

Ruchi: Can I ask you a question? Mm? Does a drug still count as an antidepressant if its number one side effect is uncontrollable weeping?
Raj: I don't know. I always feel better after a good cry.

Bernadette: Sorry things worked out like that.
Raj: Because I'm in pain or because you don't have a spy anymore?
Bernadette: Let's just leave it at "I'm sorry." You're already sad.

Raj: This is awkward. I was actually gonna return this.
Stuart: What's wrong with it?
Raj: I-I finished it.

Leonard: Maybe we should double date. I'll bring Penny and you can bring your mom.
Howard: Oh, make your jokes, but my date started a savings account for me. Did yours?

Leonard: So do you have it?
Zack: Of course I do. Penny gave it to me as a gift. You don't get rid of something like that.