Howard: Hey, guys, there's a change of plans. We are having a party for Halley's birthday after all. Turns out Bernadette and "anyone who's not a heartless monster" thinks that's the right thing to do.

Raj: Are you kidding me? You're not gonna invite me to Halley's birthday? I'm her godfather; that means something.
Howard: Or - hear me out on this - it doesn't.

Raj: So-so-so you're just apologizing because you need something?
Howard: Yes, and I think it's pretty mature of me to admit it.
Raj: Well, that's very insulting.
Howard: Right again.

Raj: Hey, uh, what do you think we should open our show with? Uh, "Thor and Doctor Jones" or "Let's Get Astrophysical"
Howard: I don't know. I think we should start with something that gets them up on their feet. Maybe "Sherlock Around the Clock."

Leonard: Well, I have to finish writing it before they can make it into a movie, and I still have a few things to figure out.
Howard: You should talk to Bernadette. Since she's been on bed rest, she's binged, like, every detective show in the world.
Raj: Oh, there was a funny detective show in India called Karamchand. He had an assistant named Kitty, and he was always saying, "Shut up, Kitty!" Sounds less mean if you say it in Hindi and don't think of women as having feelings.

Leonard: Some people name their kids after places.
Howard: Like what, Walla Walla Wolowitz?
Sheldon: If you think that is better than Ozymandias Wolowitz, then you have been breathing in the poisonous gas that my troops illegally dispersed.

Raj: Oh, this is the life. What could be better than this?
Howard: If you weren't wearing one of my swimsuits.
Raj: I'll give it back.
Howard: (chuckles) You know the rule. Once it touches hiney, it's no longer miney.

Raj: We should name it.
Howard: The drone, or your stupid robot show?
Raj: The drone. The show's already got a name, General Bot-spital.

Penny: Okay, so when I got a fine for leaving my clothes in the dryer for too long, that was from you?
Sheldon: $14.99. The exact price of a new gavel.

Amy: This is so exciting. Can we do a body shot? I've always wanted to do a body shot. Also, what's a body shot?
Penny: It's when you take a drink out of a stranger's belly button.
Amy: Ew, no thanks. What if they have an outie? Does it just spill everywhere?

Sheldon: Hello. Room service? I'm calling about the club sandwich on your menu. No, I-I don't want one. I just want you to spell it correctly. Unless the "club" is the Poor Typing Club. Okay. Now let's discuss this 15% "gratooty"? Yeah, well, that was rude. [hangs up] Someone just lost their gratooty.

Dr. Zane: I'm sorry, I'm sure you don't want to sit here and listen to a bunch of work talk.
Sheldon: Oh, no, I love it. No, but let's talk about work. Amy's work, my work. Yeah, why don't we start with my work?

Howard: Give me the bottle. I mean, it might be a little corny, but I say we pour one out for all the science homies who came before us.

Amy: It would be nice if they cast a woman.
Sheldon: Oh, you've already got Doctor Who and the Ghostbusters. Leave us something.

Penny: What can I do for you?
Sheldon: Just a minute, I want to make sure Leonard can't hear us. (loudly) I've got a box of cupcakes. (silence) Okay, we're good.