Howard: No, no, not this time. I know insects, my friend, I spent many childhood years capturing them with nets, putting them in glass jars, sticking pins through them, mounting them on corrugated cardboard with Dymo labels underneath, identifying the genus and species. In Latin.
Raj: Oh, dude, you are never getting a shiksa goddess.

Sheldon: What was that?
Raj: My stomach. Indian food doesn't agree with me. Ironic, isn't it?

Sheldon: Are you bothered that I can so easily manipulate you?
Howard: Don't push me, Sheldon. I may be small, but I took kung fu when I was 13, and I remember a good deal of it.
Sheldon: Oh, really? Well, I grew up with an older brother and a very contentious twin sister and I believe I could easily best you in any physical confrontation, be it noogies, swirlies or the classic why are you hitting yourself?

Howard: All right, Sheldon, here we go, Kleingast's Field Guide to North American Insects. Hey, Toby. Right here, see it? The common field cricket, aka Gryllus assimilis, which is Latin for suck it, you lose.
Sheldon: Hang on. Voilà, the snowy tree cricket, aka Oecanthus fultoni, which is Latin for I'll suck nothing. Of course I'm joking because the Latin for that is nihil exsorbibo.

Penny: Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm not feeling so hot either.
Sheldon: Why would that make me feel better?
Penny: I don't know, empathy?

Leonard: Hey. What's going on?
Sheldon: Oh, you'd like to catch up on the events of the day. All right. Well, there was a half-hour wait at the bank to get into my safe deposit box, I was forced to talk to Penny about your sexual problems, and, oh, yes, in a moment filled with biblical resonance, pride wenteth before my fall, causing my Flash 123 to goeth to Wolowitz.

Penny: All right, want some French toast?
Sheldon: It's Oatmeal Day.
Penny: Tell you what, next French Toast Day, I will make you oatmeal.
Sheldon: Dear Lord, are you still going to be here on French Toast Day?

Sheldon: Look, Leonard, Penny made French toast.
Leonard: Sorry. I haven't given her your schedule yet.
Sheldon: It's an iCal download, she can put it right in her phone. And I thought we agreed that you'd have your conjugal visits in her apartment.
Leonard: We did, but there were extenuating circumstances.
Sheldon: I see. Did her abysmal housekeeping skills finally trump her perkiness?

Leonard: What was that?
Sheldon: You said be nice to Penny. I believe offering chocolate to someone falls within the definition of nice.
Leonard: It does. But in my experience, you don't.
Sheldon: There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.
Leonard: Yeah. Yeah, now that's you, obnoxious and insufferable.

Raj: I think we're fitting in quite nicely.
Howard: It'd help if you weren't drinking light beer.
Raj: Oh, what's so Gothic about vodka and cranberry juice?
Howard: Hello, it looks like blood. Did you even read the wikiHow link I sent you on being goth?
Raj: No, I'm behind on my wiki reading. I'm kind of on a John Grisham kick right now.
Howard: What?
Raj: Well, I finished reading The Pelican Brief and loved it so much, I dived right into The Client. He was a lawyer himself so his novels are accurate as well as entertaining.

Raj: Light beers? Well, wikiHow about that?

Raj: Do either of you ladies enjoy the novels of John Grisham?

Sheldon: There's just no pleasing you, is there, Leonard? You weren't happy with my previous approach to dealing with her, so I decided to employ operant conditioning techniques, building on the work of Thorndike and B.F. Skinner. By this time next week, I believe I can have her jumping out of a pool, balancing a beach ball on her nose.
Leonard: No, this has to stop now.
Sheldon: I'm not suggesting we really make her jump out of a pool. I thought the Bazinga! was implied.

Sheldon: I'm just tweaking her personality, sanding off the rough edges if you will.
Leonard: No, you're not sanding Penny.
Sheldon: Are you saying that I'm forbidden from applying a harmless, scientifically valid protocol that will make our lives better?
Leonard: Yes, you're forbidden.
Sheldon: (Squirts Leonard with a water spray) Bad Leonard!

Bethany: So what do you guys do?
Howard: Oh, you know, goth stuff. Goth magazines, goth music.
Raj: Goth food.
Sarah: What's goth food?
Raj: Uh ... blackened salmon?