Penny: Okay, how about this? You know how you're always trying to learn about sarcasm?
Sheldon: No.
Penny: No?
Sheldon: I was being sarcastic.
Penny: Oh. Good for you.

Leonard: Okay, now that you're back on the team, let's get you caught up.
Sheldon: Before you begin, let me say again how deeply sorry I am for my earlier behavior, and how much I respect and admire your leadership.
Leonard: Thank you. So as you can see, not only can you store your favorite equations, but you can forward them to your friends or post them on Facebook right from the app.
Sheldon: Well, I must say, I am impressed.
Leonard: Thanks.
Sheldon: You all have clearly put in a lot of hard work.
Howard: We have.
Sheldon: As a result, you have taken the most important step on the road to success, learning what not to do. Now, let's start fresh. Howard, we're going to need some tea.

Penny: Okay, these are Uggs. These are Crocs. These are knockoff Manolo Blahniks.
Sheldon: Bored.
Penny: Look, you said it yourself, we have to create a database before you can write an alga-thingy.
Sheldon: Algorithm. You see, Penny, Alan Turing defined an algorithm...
Penny: Bored.

Penny: Wait, wait, just to be clear, when you guys say spa, does that mean the same thing as when regular people say it?
Leonard: Pretty much. Except we keep our shirts on in the sauna.

Penny: So, Amy, I've been wondering, are you and Sheldon going to be sharing a room?
Amy: No, we discussed it. We decided we didn't want to jeopardize our relationship by getting to know each other too well.
Sheldon: Indeed. Nothing sours a friendship more than over-familiarity with someone's toilet routine.

Penny: Hey, can I stay here tonight?
Leonard: Shh, Sheldon's asleep. What's going on?
Penny: Well, Howard's a complete and total ass, Bernadette's in my bed, and no matter how much you stroke Amy's hair, she bites.

Penny: Sweetie, let me put this in a way you'll understand. From the waist down, my shields are up.

Penny: Hey. So you guys ready to order?
Sheldon: Since we come in every Tuesday night at six o'clock and order the same exact thing, and it's now 6:08, I believe your question not only answers itself, but also stands alongside such other nonsensical queries as "Who let the dogs out?" and, uh, "How are they hanging?"

Amy: Penny, a moment? Do you have plans this weekend?
Penny: Oh, gee, Amy, I'm sorry. I'm actually pretty busy this weekend.
Sheldon: Probably serving food that was ordered today.

Amy: Shame. Since you're my best friend, I thought it would be a good bonding opportunity.
Penny: I'm your best friend?
Amy: Don't you read my blog?
Penny: Oh, don't feel bad. I never read Leonard's, and I used to sleep with him.

Amy: Do you know anybody else who would appreciate an all-expense-paid spa weekend at a four-star resort in Big Sur?
Penny: No, I really - Im sorry, free what? Sorry, what, what?
Leonard: I think her weekend just opened up.

Penny: You know, it is going to be difficult, but I'm going to cancel my plans so I can do this for my bestie.
Amy: Please don't touch my breasts.
Penny: I- I wasn't going to.
Amy: All right. I just want to establish boundaries.

Penny: Boy, this is great. I haven't had a vacation in ages.
Sheldon: In order to take a vacation, one first has to work.
Penny: You know, for a smart guy, you really seem to have a hard time grasping the concept, don't piss off the people who handle the things you eat.
Amy: That does seem to be a valid principle.

Sheldon: Good morning. If I could have everyone's attention, please? I know we're all eager to get on the road to Big Sur, so if we focus, I'm sure we can get through this orientation in under a half an hour. Then it's just Q&A, quiz, safety drills, pose for commemorative group photo, and we're off.
Leonard: (To Penny) Don't worry. Just sit next to me during the quiz, and you can copy my answers.

Penny: Who elected you Road Trip God?
Sheldon: Leonard...
Leonard: It was a late-night vote. We were all exhausted and he was threatening to filibuster. It's not technically Road Trip God, it's Travel Supervisor.
Sheldon: Although Road Trip God does have a certain ring to it.