Penny: Once again, unbelievable.
Sheldon: Yeah, once again, I know.

Bernadette: I've got a sexy new tube top that says come hither and a bottle of pepper spray that says close enough, Jack!

Bernadette: What kind of comics do the guys like?
Stuart: Um, a little bit of everything. Mostly superhero stuff.
Amy: All right, well, who's the best superhero?
Stuart: Shh! You can't ask a question like that in here. Are you trying to start a rumble?

Sheldon: Oh, a scroll. I like scrolls. They're my third favourite system of transmitting the written word, after stone tablets and sky-writing.
You have all been summoned to join a thrilling Dungeons and Dragons adventure. Your quest begins in a secret northern village of elves who have all been massacred. I like where this is heading. Your task is to rescue their leader from a dungeon of ogres. Oh, that's a saucy twist. That leader's name: Santa Claus.
No, no, no!
Leonard: Its actually ho, ho, ho, but you'll get the hang of it.

Raj: I was Googling that girl I've been dating, and I found her blog.
Howard: Cool. Anything juicy?
Raj: She said she recently went on a date with a guy named Roger? And he's Indian? And he's an astrophysicist, too?
Howard: You know what's going on, don't you?
Raj: Mummy was right. American girls are sexually voracious devils.

Sheldon: It did not kill me when you went to space. Monkeys went to space.

Amy: Sheldon, all Snow White needs is one small kiss to wake up.
Sheldon: Heard you the first time.

Leonard: If they didn't want to be yelled at by crazy nerds they shouldn't have started the Syfy channel.

Howard: A micro-valentine for a microbiologist.
Leonard: From her micro-husband.

Mrs. Davis: Roots?
Sheldon: The tragic history of slavery in America. Fun for the whole family.
Mrs. Davis:: Why would you think this is an appropriate gift?
Sheldon: Umm. Well, you are black, right?

Leonard: It's hard sometimes. Everywhere you go, guys hit on you, even if I'm standing right there. And they're all taller than me. Why is everyone taller than me? You know what, this is all in my head. It's my problem, not yours.
Penny: Leonard, why do you always do this? Listen to me, you're the one I'm with. You know I love you. So will you please relax, because you're driving me crazy.
Leonard: You know that's the first time you ever said you love me.
Penny: Yeah.
Leonard: We're just supposed to pretend it's not a big deal?
Penny: That's exactly what we're gonna do, because you're about to make me cry. And we both know if I start crying, you're gonna start crying.
Leonard: You're right, I should go.

Crowd at the airport: There he is! Howie! Howie!
Wolowitz: Whoa, thank you. Great to be back on Earth.
Howie Mandel: Uh, I think they're here for me, Ringo.

Leonard: If you want help, just hire a grad student.
Penny: Maybe I could do it.
Sheldon: You, really? You can assess the quality of my work? Okay, um, here. I wrote this when I was five years old.
Penny: A proof that algebraic topology can never have a non self-contradictory set of abelion groups. Im just a blond monkey to you, aren't I?
Sheldon: You said it, not me.

Sheldon: Are you implying my girlfriend doesn't have any sexuality to exploit?
Raj: Yes.
Sheldon: Okay, because that was not clear.

Howard: (Mimicking Bernadette in a high voice) Oh Howie, stop talking about space so much. Nobody likes it.
Bernadette: (In a low voice) I don't sound like that.