Sheldon: I'm not interested in being published in Mad Magazine. Zingers fly fast in the Thunderdome, Barry.

Leonard: Maybe it's a shipping problem.
Howard: What?
Leonard: Maybe Wesley Snipes and Toucan Sam just got action figures that look like you guys.

Sheldon: A hush falls over the crowd as Cooper studies the board. He makes his move. He's dividing both sides by I. He's adding back the coefficient. He has a value for P. He's plugging that back in. He takes the derivative, and he solves the equation. The crowd goes wild. Nobel! Nobel!

Howard: My wife came with both fun bags and money bags.

Kripke: You guys ever use any toys?
Sheldon: Toys? I do have a model rocket next to my bed.
Kripke: A rocket? You're a freak! I love it!

Kripke: Was she naked or was she wearing lingerie?
Sheldon: I didn't notice.
Kripke: How could you not notice?
Sheldon: i was too busy squishing all the desirable parts of her body.
Kripke: Ah, you're killing me, Cooper!

Leonard: Is my coitus whimsically inventive?
Penny: That is what I write on the bathroom walls. For a whimsically inventive time, call Leonard Hofstadter.
Leonard: I know you're joking, but I'd be okay with that.

Penny: All right, I don't understand. Why didn't you just tell Kripke the truth?
Sheldon: Because the truth made my look bad, whereas a ridiculous bald-faced lie makes me look good. Anyway, if Kripke asks, tell him my coitus with Amy is frequent, intense and whimsically inventive.

Kripke: You have some brilliant insights here, but if we're gonna make this work, you need to buckle down and focus.
Sheldon: I'll do what I can. But it's not going to be easy, because when I'm with Amy and our bathing suit areas mush together, boy howdy, is it magic.

Bernadette: That's so cute. I didn't think there could be a smaller version of you.

Raj: Oh, I'm not dark chocolate. I'm melt-in-your-mouth caramel.

Howard: I can't believe I wasted all that money.
Leonard: Aw, and my girlfriend wouldn't let me get one. Look at my face. Do I look smug? I feel smug.

Bernadette: Why are they staring?
Amy: Who cares? Just soak it in. Hello, boys.
Stuart: Oh, hey. (To the other customers) Could you please stop staring? They're just girls. It's nothing you haven't seen in movies or in drawings.
Penny: Hey, Stuart.
Stuart: What brings you guys here?
Bernadette: We were looking for a recommendation about comic books.
Stuart: Oh, well, I recommend you don't open a store and sell them.
Penny: No, we were just wondering why the guys like this stuff so much, so we thought wed give it a try.
Stuart: Oh, okay. What do you think you might be into? Superhero, fantasy, graphic novels, manga? (To the customers) I swear I will turn a hose on you.

Penny: Well then why are you going?
Sheldon: It's a comic book convention. You know, it's like pizza or particle accelerators, even the stinky one's still pretty good.

Leonard: That was San Diego Comic-Con. This is Bakersfield Comic-Con.
Penny: Is that better?
Leonard: Well, it's a lot smaller. It's more about the comic books. The way these conventions used to be before they went all Hollywood.
Sheldon: So to answer your question, no, it's not better.