Amy: And action.
Wil Wheaton: And cut! You realize I'm doing this for free, right?
Amy: Yes, and so far we're still not getting our money's worth.

Wil Wheaton: Problem, first time director?

Wil Wheaton: Listen, Sheldon. I'm really happy to do this for you, but not if she's going to be a huge pain in the ass the whole time.

Leonard: I did a bad thing.
Sheldon: Does it affect me?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Then suffer in silence.

Bernadette: Why are they staring?
Amy: Who cares? Just soak it in. Hello, boys.
Stuart: Oh, hey. (To the other customers) Could you please stop staring? They're just girls. It's nothing you haven't seen in movies or in drawings.
Penny: Hey, Stuart.
Stuart: What brings you guys here?
Bernadette: We were looking for a recommendation about comic books.
Stuart: Oh, well, I recommend you don't open a store and sell them.
Penny: No, we were just wondering why the guys like this stuff so much, so we thought wed give it a try.
Stuart: Oh, okay. What do you think you might be into? Superhero, fantasy, graphic novels, manga? (To the customers) I swear I will turn a hose on you.

Kripke: My work would suffer too if I was getting laid all the time.
Sheldon: Yes, that is the reason. My work is suffering because of all the laid I am getting.
Kripke: You lucky bastard.
Sheldon: What can I say, you know? She enjoys my genitals. I am giving them to her on a nightly basis.

Raj: Oh, okay, great. Now, I can look like Val Kilmer as Batman, instead of Val Kilmer as he looks today.
Howard: All right, you can suck it in a little bit.

Sheldon: I'm not interested in being published in Mad Magazine. Zingers fly fast in the Thunderdome, Barry.

Leonard: Maybe it's a shipping problem.
Howard: What?
Leonard: Maybe Wesley Snipes and Toucan Sam just got action figures that look like you guys.

Howard: My wife came with both fun bags and money bags.

Raj: Aren't you gonna to eat lunch?
Howard: Nah, I blew my food allowance on Pokemon cards.

Penny: Okay. Hang on. Are you saying some day that you and Amy might actually get physical?
Sheldon: It's a possibility.

Sheldon: Penny, all my life I have been uncomfortable with the sort of physical contact that comes easily to others: handshaking, hugging, prostate exams. But I'm working on it, you know? Just recently, I had to put VapoRub on Amy's chest. A year ago, that would have been unthinkable.

Bernadette: No, here's how love works. You're gonna return the machine or you can print out a working set of lady parts and sleep with those.
Howard: [pondering]
Bernadette: Oh, my God! Are you actually thinking about it?

Bernadette: $5,000 for a couple dolls. Are you out of your mind?