Emily: If it makes you feel better, you're not the wierdest guy I've met off the Internet.
Raj: Well, give me a chance. You don't even know me.

Bernadette: I like the Wii.
Sheldon: Thanks, Grandma.

Amy: It actually was kinda fun.
Raj: You're just saying that.
Amy: Yeah.

Sheldon: Well then why are you doing it?
Mary: Because I'm not perfect, Shelly. And that man's booty is.

Sheldon: You may have a point. I love my mother. Even if she fornicates like a demonic weasel.

Sheldon: My point is you're going to need to be careful. You used to be protected by your pre-enlightenment mythology. But now you're going to need a stronger friend, named latex.
Mary: Are you having the sex talk with me?
Sheldon: Well someone has to.
Mary: Oh, dear Lord.
Sheldon: No, don't look to him. He's mad at you right now.

Sheldon: I should let you know the world has changed since you were a young woman. It's not all sock hops, soda jerks and segregation any more.
Mary: How old do you think I am?

Sheldon: Well, this is confusing for me. But I don't want to stand in the way of your happiness. So, I will condemn you internally while maintaining an outward appearance of acceptance.
Mary: That is very Christian of you.

Penny: Oh, Stuart. Now I kinda feel bad for murdering you.
Raj: Oh, come on!
Bernadette: Penny did it! I win! Suck it, jackasses!

Amy: Actually, our relationship agreement covers a wide array of scenarios. Including career changes, financial instability, intelligent dog uprising. FYI, we plan on selling out the human race hard.

Penny: If you do something cool in science, you might change the world. If I become a famous actress ... I'm not going to tell you why movie stars are the best, they just are.

Howard: Anyway, she broke up with him and she's basically been alone ever since. She never said it, but I always felt I was the reason why.
Sheldon: I'm sorry. Although, based on your story, you absolutely were the reason why.

Howard: It was an hour ago, Sheldon. A Jew sits in front of a house in Texas for that long, for sale signs start to go up.

Leonard: You don't go into science for the money.
Bernadette: Speak for yourself. Last month my company both invented and cured restless eye syndrome. Ka-ching, ya blinky chumps!

Sheldon: Can you recommend a surface you haven't had coitus on?
Mary: That's not funny. ... Maybe we should sit at the table.