Raj: Sit, you look like you've had a long day.
Howard: Naw, she always looks like that. ... Because she married an idiot.

Sheldon: You've spent time with Amy, can you think of anything she's fond of that has a bunch of flaws she hasn't noticed?
Leonard: ... I got to go.

Sheldon: I have one question. Is this a prank? Where you land in Houston and you've made up wanted posters which have my face with a moustache and a Spanish name, and I get arrested and deported to South America?
Howard: No.
Sheldon: Well I'm glad, because I would not have seen that coming.

Bernadette: I told Howard if I wasn't busy I'd spend the night at his mom's. So for God's sake, think of something.

Beverly Hofstadter: Hello, Leonard.
Leonard: Mom?
Beverly Hofstadter: I understand you have been whining about my parenting in order to emotionally manipulate your girlfriend.

Sheldon: Arthur! Arthur, it's me, Sheldon Cooper.
Professor Proton: Trust me, I remember.
Sheldon: This is television legend, Arthur Jeffries. His science show inspired millions of children.
Professor Proton: Hold on, you have a girlfriend?
Amy: Yes, and I've heard so much about you. Hey look, we're wearing the orthopaedic shoes. I can't believe I dress like a celebrity.
Professor Proton: Okay, I get it now.

Beverly: Let's discuss why you continue to involve me in your sex life.
Leonard: Oh, please no mommy. No mommy.
Beverly: When you were six years old, you walked in on me and your father naked. I was swatting his bottom with your brand new ping-pong paddle.
Leonard: I didn't dream that!?
Beverly: How did that make you feel?

Arthur: Where are we?
Sheldon: This is the swampland of Dagobah. It's where Luke was trained in the ways of the Jedi.
Arthur: Oh, too bad. I thought it was Florida.

Sheldon: This is no way to make new humans. People coming out of people. Like some dirty magic show.

Howard: It was an hour ago, Sheldon. A Jew sits in front of a house in Texas for that long, for sale signs start to go up.

Howard: Okay, give me the flowers and pie.
Sheldon: But if we show up and you're holding them, she'll think they're only from you.
Howard: They are only from me. You said the gift of you was enough.
Sheldon: Yes, but now that I've seen what the gift of me with flowers and pie looks like there's no going back.

Amy: You don't need to explain yourself to him.
Sheldon: (To Leonard) I don't need to explain myself to you!
Amy: You're sick of his nonsense and you're ready to move in with me.
Sheldon: (To Leonard) Keep the table. We don't use that space.
Amy: Damn it. I got cocky.

Sheldon: (To Amy) Do you have any idea what it's like to wait for years and never know if you're finally going to get satisfaction?

Penny: Bernadette is going to love this.
Leonard: Yeah, it must be nice to have somebody do something so romantic.
Penny: Okay, you know what's not romantic? Rubbing it in someone's face.
Leonard: Actually, it can be. But I told you sex doesn't count.

Amy: Sorry I'm late. (Sees Sheldon's new hair style) What did you do?
Penny: I gave him a new look. Cute, huh?
Amy: Yeah, it's cute. That's the problem. I don't need other girls to see him walking around like sex on a stick?
Sheldon: (Looks in a mirror) She's right, I'm too hot.