Beverly Hofstadter: I can't help but notice how her unconditional love for you is diametrically opposed to my own parenting strategies.
Sheldon: Well, you doled out affection as a reward for achievement. A proven way to raise a child. Or train a rat.

Leonard: I thought this was gonna be boring but it's actually kinda fun.
Penny: Don't tell Amy that; we'll be here every Sunday.

Leonard: That's not helpful.
Sheldon: Well, I'd give more examples, but everyone in your position is so forgettable.

Penny: Oh, I'm just doing this awful work out. I hate it.
Sheldon: Well if you hate it, then why are you doing it? Although I could ask the same question about the coitus with Leonard.

Sheldon: I knew you'd understand, armadillo Isaac Newton.

Mary Cooper: I tried to read your paper, but it was very hard for me to understand.
Sheldon: Oh, it's quite straightforward, actually. It describes a new model of the universe that conceptualizes it as the surface of an n-dimensional superfluid.
Mary Cooper: Interesting. You can believe that, but God filling an ark with animals two-by-two is nonsense.
Sheldon: What did they feed the lions, Mother?
Mary Cooper: The floating bodies of drowned sinners, of course.

Sheldon: Hold on, Dr. Leonard, where are your social skills? This man is clearly upset. We should invite him in for a hot beverage.
Leonard: He tried to score with Penny.
Sheldon: So have these two and they're having dinner with us.

Amy: Ooh, the Philharmonic is playing Beethoven down town.
Sheldon: Before you say yes, it's not the movie about the big dog.

Howard: My cousin has a cabin out in the woods.
Sheldon: I'm not going to a cabin in the woods. Did you see the movie "Cabin in the Woods?"
Leonard: Fine, we'll go to a hotel.
Sheldon: A hotel? Did you see "The Shining"?
Raj: We could go up to Big Bear and get a house on the lake.
Sheldon: Did you see "The Lake House"?
Raj: Nothing bad happens in "The Lake House"!
Sheldon: Not to them. To me. Time travelling mail box. The only time that travels was the hour and a half of my life down the toilet.
Leonard: Fine, we'll just stay here and do it.
Sheldon: Wait, you didn't suggest a beach house.
Leonard: You would go to a beach house?
Sheldon: Well, good Lord no. Have you seen "Jaws"?

Leonard: Well, you can spend the rest of the day being bitter about this--
Sheldon: Agreed.
Leonard: I was going to say "or," but why bother?

Amy: Penny, I really want to eat this banana, but it's stuck inside this bamboo puzzle box.

Amy: When there was a lice epidemic at my school, everybody got it except me. I tried to fool everyone by sprinkling sugar in my hair, but I just got attacked by bees.

Sheldon: I think I've come up with the perfect way for us to enjoy it.
Penny: Great. How?
Sheldon: We pretend we're aliens. We pretend we're aliens. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I'm gonna say that you love it and wanna hear more.

Amy: Have a seat on the floor.
Sheldon: Not there. That's my spot.

Sheldon: You're mean to me a lot. You think I don't notice all those sarcastic comments and those eye rolls, but I do. I have excellent peripheral vision. On a good day, I can see my ears.