Amy: Why? What did I do?
Bernadette: I'm sorry. I had to get the spotlight off me, and tearing down other women is part of my pageant training.

Howard: So it's settled. The fate of Doctor Who's TARDIS will be decided by a Game of Thrones-inspired death match on the battlefield of Thundercats versus Transformers.

Howard: Step one, rapidly flip the calibration switch from the fully up to the fully down positions for at least ten times.
Sheldon: It actually says "at least"?
Howard: Yeah.
Sheldon: Why would they say "at least"? Is it 10 toggles? Is it 100 toggles? Is it 1,000 toggles? 10,000 toggles? 100,000 toggles?
Howard: Sheldon!
Sheldon: You see where I'm going with this.

Mrs. Koothrappali: Rajesh, is your father seeing someone?
Raj: All I know, Mummy, is that he's a single wealthy doctor, and now, for some reason, there's no money for your little boy.

Beverly Hofstadter: So, have you and Penny set a wedding date?
Leonard: No, we're kind of taking it slow.
Beverly Hofstadter: I see.
Leonard: What does that mean?
Beverly Hofstadter: You've been on and off with this woman for seven years and engaged for one year. One has to wonder if there's a problem. Are you having satisfactory intercourse?
Leonard: Yes, Mother.
Beverly Hofstadter: Only satisfactory. I see.

Penny: Sheldon, we're getting married.
Sheldon: But you've been engaged for over a year now, and you don't even have a wedding date.
Penny: Well, we will. We're just not in a rush.
Sheldon: Okay.
Leonard: We're gonna set a date.
Sheldon: Okay. If you say so.
Penny: Yeah, it's just, things are good right now.
Leonard: Really good.
Penny: I'm focusing on my job.
Leonard: And we've been busy with our paper.
Penny: So busy.
Leonard: Yeah, we'll pick a date when we pick a date.
Penny: Yeah.
Sheldon: Okay.
Penny: You know, I can see why Amy's mad at you!
Leonard: Yeah, shut up, Sheldon!

Howard: Bernie, Stuart just pulled up. So remember, the key is to be firm. Show no weakness.
Bernadette: Right.
Howard: Good luck.

Sheldon: I typically wear pajamas, but I recently adopted a hobo lifestyle. And pajamas are the sleep pants of The Man.

Howard: What's wrong with your car?
Raj: I'm having my windows untinted.
Howard: Why?
Raj: I've got a hot girlfriend now. I want the haters to know.
Howard: What are you talking about? No one's paying attention to you.
Raj: Wow. How's that hater-ade taste, bro?

Penny: Well, I'm a people person. People like me. Some of my favorite people are people. I feel like I'm saying people a lot. People people people. Okay, I'm done.
Dan: Sure?
Penny: People. Yes.

Amy: The important thing is I am here for you so we can mutually disparage this unpleasing third party.

Penny: Yeah, maybe you're right. I used to think my high school P.E. teacher didn't like me, but it turned out she liked me a little too much.
Bernadette: Really?
Penny: Yeah. It was fine. We went to a Melissa Etheridge concert, I got an A, it all worked out.

Penny: It has also been shown to cause significantly fewer side effects than other oral contraceptives. Although it can cause acne, which if you ask me kind of increases its effectiveness as a contraceptive.

Leonard: Hear me out. I know things got a little weird last night.
Penny: Well, leaving an envelope of cash on my night-stand after sex would count as weird.

Leonard: She made him a chore chart.
Penny: I see it!