Sheldon: You look amazing. I mean, this resolution is remarkable.
Amy: (On Skype) I really had to go home for this?
Sheldon: Yes, but it's like you're right here in the room.
Amy: And yet, I'm not.
Sheldon: But I feel like I could reach out and touch you.
Amy: And yet, you can't.
Sheldon: I know.

Amy: What are you doing here? You're not Sheldon.
Stuart: I thought that might come up. Sheldon hired me to go shopping with you.

Penny: How can I not sound like his mother when our entire bedroom is filled with Star Wars toys? I mean, have you ever had sex with a stuffed Wookiee watching you?
Dr. Gallo: I went to college in the '70s; it was a hairier time. I'm gonna say yes.

Leonard: Okay, we saw them. Can we go catch the movie?
Bernadette: Why'd you bring him?
Penny: I had to. We're married now.
Bernadette: Ugh, I hear that.

Amy: Sheldon, I am not doing Fun with Flags with you.
Sheldon: Why not?
Amy: Because we're broken up!
Sheldon: Sonny and Cher made it work. Their variety show kept going long after the divorce, and here we are still talking about them.
Amy: No one's talking about Sonny and Cher.
Sheldon: You must be thinking about Donny and Marie, because you and I are clearly talking about Sonny and Cher.

Sheldon: I also have the other kind of will, and in it I will my Wil back to Wil.
Leonard: Will Wil want it?
Wil Wheaton: Wil won't.

Sheldon: What if that burning food attracts animals?
Howard: We have plenty of food for the animals.
Sheldon: We do?
Howard: Yep. A six-foot wiener in a Flash T-shirt.
Sheldon: That's not very nice.
Leonard: It's a bachelor party. Lighten up.

Bernadette: Hey, you want to swing by that place tonight and get a look at this guy?
Penny: We don't even know what time they're gonna be there.
Bernadette: I'll just call the restaurant, pretend I'm Amy and check the reservation.
Penny: Damn, you're sneaky.
Bernadette: Yeah, but I'm little, so it's adorable.

Leonard: Face it, you can't stump me. I am the king of husbands.
I know that you don't like the lingerie that I got you on Valentine's Day.
I know you hate the word "moist."
I know-
Penny: Hang on. Wait, wait. Why don't I like the lingerie you got me?
Leonard: Because it's orange and you think it makes you look like a slutty carrot.
Penny: Interesting. I never told you that.
Leonard: Sure you did.
Penny: No. I never told anyone that. But I did write it in my journal.
Leonard: (In a high-pitched voice) What? I didn't know you had a journal.
Penny: I also know your voice gets higher when you're lying.
Leonard: (In a deep voice) No, it doesn't.

Bernadette: So, what do you think we should do with this room?
Howard: Well, I was thinking a home theater or a gaming room - you know, like a man cave.
Bernadette: Why can't it be a woman cave?
Howard: As long as it has a home theater, a video game system and you're not allowed in it, you can call it whatever you want.

Mike Rostenkowski: You gonna be okay down here?
Howard: Yeah. Yeah, I feel like an archaeologist. Indiana Jones and the Single-Family Dwelling.

Howard: You sure you're up for that? She did hurt you.
Sheldon: Oh, no, it's all right. I think of my time with Amy as a stick of Fruit Stripe gum: sweet and enjoyable at first, but ultimately a flavorless lump of sadness.

Leonard: I'm surprised you wanted to go to a sports bar, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Look at this blister. Like it or not, we're athletes now.

Bernadette: Howie?
Howard: What's up?
Bernadette: Why does your Fitbit say you ran 174 miles yesterday?

Vanessa: And I don't need to tell you, there aren't a lot of men who love physics, archaic languages and flags of the world.
Sheldon: I am a bit of a unicorn.