Leonard: Hang on. I believe I'm supposed to carry you across the threshold.
Penny: Can you?
Leonard: Who do you think carries Sheldon to bed when he falls asleep in front of the TV?

Mary Cooper: Do you wanna tell me what happened?
Sheldon: Are you gonna say it's all part of God's plan?
Mary Cooper: Good chance.

Sheldon: Would you like to hear another reason why men are better than women?
Leonard: Sure. Let's make it an even hundred.

Leonard: Well, I got married recently.
Mandy: Oh, congratulations. To Sheldon?
Leonard: Ah, ha, never gets old.

Sheldon: So that's all this day was? A plan to butter me up before delivering bad news?
Leonard: Come on, buddy.
Sheldon: No, I thought we were friends. You asked for a sip of my Icee. If you had your own straw, I might've said yes.

Raj: Look at us! We're like the Rockettes!

Leonard: Maybe you should consider women who aren't in serious relationships with your closest friends?
Sheldon: There's that prostate doctor, but I'm still mad at her.

Barry Kripke: Let's begin with some fundamentals. This is the en garde position. Feet are in an L. Heels in a straight line. Elbow is about a fist from the rib cage. Notice my dominant leg faces forward.
Sheldon: Oh, dear.
Barry Kripke: What's wrong, Cooper?
Sheldon: Well, I'm not sure I have a dominant leg. They're both pretty submissive.

Penny: Oh, he's cute!
Bernadette: Doesn't a teardrop tattoo mean he murdered someone?
Penny: And he's sad about it.

Amy: Uh, excuse me, can I have my phone back?
Howard: Hang on, I'm trying to find you the next great love of your life. The man who will father your children.
Okay, yes or no on white guy with dreadlocks?

Amy: Aren't we being a little mean?
Raj: That's a fair point. We wouldn't make fun of someone like this to their face.
Penny: Look, it's Stuart!
Raj: You may want to leave the room.

Adam Nimoy: What was it about Spock that appealed to you?
Sheldon: I think the same thing that appeals to people everywhere, the dream of a cold, rational world entirely without human emotion.
Spock came from a planet governed only by logic.
You know, on Vulcan, when your brother asks, "Why are you hitting yourself?" The answer is, "I'm not. You're moving my arm." To which he says, "fascinating." And then you both watch educational television.

Leonard: When did we get a wall safe?
Sheldon: When there was no more room in the floor safe.
Leonard: When did we get a floor safe?
Sheldon: When we got the security camera.
Leonard: There's a security camera?
Sheldon: Aquaman, protecting your home since 2012.
Penny: Oh, my God. We've done things on that couch.
Sheldon: Yeah, you don't have to tell me.

Leonard: Hey, I made French toast sticks.
Sheldon: On oatmeal day?
Leonard: Ah, I also made oatmeal.
Sheldon: Ooh, that's a lot of carbohydrates for a man on the prowl. You know what? You eat it. You're married, it doesn't matter what you look like.

Emily: So, how does this work?
Bernadette: The soup kitchen manager assigns the jobs, and the shifts are six hours.
Howard: Six hours? Oh, God, I don't want to complain for that long.
Raj: Do you ever do anything for anyone else?
Howard: I happen to be a giving and generous lover.