Penny: And there was no-one there to take care of you?
Sheldon: No. No, my mum had to fly back to Texas to help my dad because the house had slipped off the cinder blocks again.
Penny: Again?
Sheldon: It was tornado season. And it was an aluminum house.

Raj: How about Lasik?
Leonard: You want me to get eye surgery?
Raj: Would you rather go back to the apartment and deal with Sheldon or have a stranger carve out your corneas with a laser beam?
Howard: Well?
Leonard: I'm thinking.

Mary Cooper: You know we have an Indian gentleman at the church. Dr. Patel. It's a beautiful story. The Lord spoke to him and moved him to give us all 20% off on Lasek. You know those that needed it.

Mary Cooper: You have to take your time with Sheldon. His father, God rest his soul, always used to say to me "Mary, you have to take your time with Sheldon."

Sheldon: Look at me, look at me, I've got goosebumps.

Leonard: Are there any other honors that I've gotten that I don't know about? Did UPS drop off a Nobel Prize with my name on it?
Sheldon: Leonard, please don't take this the wrong way, but the day you win a Nobel Prize is the day I begin my research on the drag co-efficient of tassles on flying carpets.

Mary Cooper: I tell you, I love that boy to death but he has been difficult since he fell outta me at the K-Mart.

Sheldon: Ladies and Gentlemen, honored daughters. While Mr. Kim by virtue of his youth and naivete has fallen prey to the inexplicable need for human contact, let me assure you that my research will go on uninterrupted, and that social relationships will continue to baffle and repulse me. Thank you.

Sheldon: I can't believe he fired me.
Leonard: Well, you did call him a "glorified high school science teacher whose last successful experiment was lighting his own farts."
Sheldon: In my defense, I prefaced that with, "with all due respect."

Leonard: Howard, every Thai restaurant in town knows you can't eat peanuts. When they see me coming they say, "Ah! No peanut boy!"

Leonard: You cannot blow up my head with your brain.
Sheldon: Then I'll settle for an aneurysm.

Mary: I made chicken. I hope it's not one of the animals that you people think is magic.

Raj: Not only are there children starving in India, there's an Indian starving right here.

Sheldon: Leonard?
Leonard: Yes?
Sheldon: (Sarcastic) When we played chess earlier, you were terrific, and I can't wait to play you again. Goodnight!

Sheldon: So, if a photon is directed through a plane with two slits in it and either is observed, it will not go through both. If it's unobserved, it will. However, if it's observed after it left the plane, before it hits it's target, it will not have gone through both slits.
Leonard: Agreed! What's Your Point?
Sheldon: There's no point, I just think it's a good idea for a T-shirt!