Penny: Hey, have you ever heard of the Van Nuys Comic-Con?
Leonard: Yeah, it's a dinky little convention where they sell collectibles and get sad D-list celebrities to appear. Why?
Penny: I got asked to sign autographs there.
Leonard: That's awesome! Is this for Serial Ape-ist?
Penny: Well, it could be for the monkey movie. It could be my hemorrhoid commercial. The list does not go on.

Penny: So, Bert, you were telling us how you updated your profile?
Bert: Right. I wasn't getting any responses, and then I added, "Recent $625,000 MacArthur grant winner", and five minutes later, I met my soul mate.
*Amy goes to the hallway*
Amy: I was wrong. You can come back in.

Howard: Learning anything?
Bernadette: Well, sloth babies cling to their mothers' bodies for almost a year. I'm going back to work after only four months. So, I've learned I hate myself, I hate sloths, and I hate you for bringing me here.

Stephen Hawking: Hello, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Professor Hawking!
Stephen Hawking: I understand you're struggling with professional jealousy.
Sheldon: Thanks, Leonard, now he's not gonna think I'm cool.
Stephen Hawking: Don't worry, I know how you feel. I have never won a Nobel Prize.
Penny: Oh, wow, that doesn't seem fair.
Stephen Hawking: It's fine. I've been on The Simpsons.
Sheldon: How do you deal with the success of your colleagues?
Stephen Hawking: I remind myself every scientific advancement is a victory. Also, I was on Star Trek.
Leonard: (To Penny) Oh, it was a good one. He played poker with Sir Isaac - You don't care.
Stephen Hawking: Don't waste your time on jealousy, Sheldon, you're too brilliant.

Penny: Do boys have flowers?
Leonard: Who knows what he has down there.

Sheldon: I started doing some reading on cognitive vitality, and I came across an area of research called "super-aging."
Raj: You know who's a super-ager? Jennifer Lopez. Like, what is her secret?

Amy: I'm in this relationship, too. I need to stand up for myself.
Leonard: Of course you do.
Amy: And if he doesn't like it, he can move back here.
Leonard: Oh, he can try. He'd just need a good locksmith.

Bernadette: Uh, I left my phone downstairs!
Howard: Damn, so did I.
Bernadette: Wait, I have my iPad.
Howard: What are you going to do, e-mail 911?

Sheldon: Being with Amy has awoken the sexual creature within. When I see a pretty gal walking down the street, I think, "hubba hubba" like any other guy.
Penny: You kiss your mother with that mouth? 'Cause it's fine.

Amy: What are you looking at?
Sheldon: Comments from our Behind the Flags retrospective. Get this, people are calling it "the longest one yet".

Leonard: Here's the hotel room we all share.
Penny: Well, you and I would get our own room, right?
Leonard: Every hotel is booked. But, yeah, see this space here between Sheldon's feet and my head? That's where you go.
Penny: Well, it's no different than when Sheldon used to climb in bed with us during a thunderstorm.

Penny: Not only did they eat together, Leonard said he made her laugh.
Bernadette: That's nothing, Howie said she touched his hand.
Penny: Did he Purell?
Bernadette: No.
Penny: I cannot believe Leonard mentioned the Toblerone but left that part out.

Sheldon: At our age, why don't we call it man's night?
Leonard: Because we just spent our allowance on comic books.

Penny: Well, let's just get them apart for a while so they can cool down.
Leonard: Good. Then before we reintroduce them, we'll give him one of her sweaters so he can get used to her scent again.
Penny: So it's okay for you to joke around?
Leonard: No, that's actually what we did with him when Howard came back from space.

Stuart: I also love how you never use swear words.
Sheldon: You know, it turns out, you can hurt people just as well without 'em.