Penny: So, Bert, you were telling us how you updated your profile?
Bert: Right. I wasn't getting any responses, and then I added, "Recent $625,000 MacArthur grant winner", and five minutes later, I met my soul mate.
*Amy goes to the hallway*
Amy: I was wrong. You can come back in.

Sheldon: Five minutes? We must be doing it wrong. It took us hours.

Raj: I really can't thank you enough for taking me in. You know, I was in a pretty low place in my life, and-
Sheldon: (from across the hall) Oh, Amy, you naughty vixen.
Raj: Anyway, uh, as I was saying, I was at a pretty low place in my life and, uh, if it wasn't for friends like you-
Amy: (from across the hall) My goodness, that form of stimulation is highly efficient.
Raj: I can't compete with that.

Beverly Hofstadter: I don't see why I should have to watch your father parade around with some Bible-thumping bumpkin.
Sheldon: Oh. Excuse me, that is my mother you're talking about, however accurately.

Sheldon: You know, I just learned Amy went to a theme park without me, but I'm not going to ruin her birthday. I'll wait, and ruin 24 individual hours sprinkled throughout the year.

Raj: Does this place look familiar?
Sheldon: It's hard to say.
Bartender: Hey, Sheldon's back!
Everybody: Sheldon!
Sheldon: It's getting clearer.

Sheldon: It's not my fault I'm bad at sharing; I skipped kindergarten.

Penny: Now Sheldon's popular? What is happening?!

Bernadette: Do you know what? It's just a research project. The most important job in the world is gonna be raising this child. It's all I need to give my life meaning.
Penny: Oh, that's so beautiful.
Bernadette: You believe me? Oh, good. Eleven more chumps like you, I'll have the jury eating out of my hand.

Raj: Well, I'm glad to see you moving forward.
Sheldon: Bert did quality research. And he deserves whatever accolades he receives.
Howard: What is going on? (To Leonard) Did you upgrade his software last night?
Leonard: I think he might be learning on his own.
Raj: Then the robot uprising has begun.

Colonel Williams: What's this?
Leonard: Oh, nothing. Just some math we don't need.
Colonel Williams: This is a different approach. Are you trying to get the guidance system even smaller?
Leonard: It's just a theory. Uh, it's not even worked out.
Colonel Williams: Oh. I want this.
Howard: But we've already met the agreed upon specs. Going smaller would require weeks' worth of new computations.
Colonel Williams: So get the kid with the two shirts to do it.

Sheldon: *knock knock knock* Amy. *knock knock knock* Amy. *knock knock knock* Amy.
[Amy opens the door. Sheldon is on one knee, holding out an engagement ring]
Sheldon: Will you marry me?

Howard: Well, why would you do that?
Colonel Williams: You guys completed phase one, we'll take it from here.
Sheldon: Where did you move it?
Colonel Williams: I can't tell you that.
Leonard: Are you implementing phase two?
Colonel Williams: I can't tell you that.
Sheldon: Wait, so you're just going to take all the work we've done for the last year and toss us aside?
Colonel Williams: That one I can tell you, yes.
Howard: This is all very upsetting.
Colonel Williams: I'm sorry to hear that. As you know, the primary focus of the United States military is people's feelings.
Sheldon: If that's sarcasm, please save it for our enemies.

Sheldon: I don't understand why I can't talk at this meeting.
Leonard: 'Cause when you talk, it enrages people.

Bernadette: Sorry I flipped out on you. I think it's just hormones.
Raj: I think you were mean before you were pregnant, but it's fine.