Bernadette: Love is patient, but it's not gonna put up with all the side chatter, so let's knock it off!
Howard: At least she's yelling at someone else for a change.
Bernadette: Howard!

Sheldon: I knew we should've never mentioned us living together in the first place.
Amy: She was gonna find out eventually.
Sheldon: Disagree. We've known about evolution since 1859. She still believes in Noah and his amazing zoo boat.

Amy: What is this?
Sheldon: A functional MRI of my brain. I did Sudoku before they took it so I'd be ripped.
Amy: I love it. Thank you.
Sheldon: And it's not just an MRI. The orbitofrontal cortex is lit up because I was thinking of you.

Sheldon: Because there's only one of me, I'm more valuable.
Penny: Right.
Sheldon: Although, Amy's already taken me out of my package and played with me.

Sheldon: If it's like your 3-D chess game, then you're out of your length, width and depth. Amy, get the Neosporin, somebody just got burned.

Sheldon: No, I know, but plenty of things are addictive after a single exposure. I mean, crack cocaine, nicotine, Pringles. You know, once one pops one just can't stop.

Amy: What is this?
Sheldon: I'm mapping basic topics of conversation and with whom they can be discussed.
I call these circles "Zones of Privacy". Don't Google that unless you want to see pictures of people's genitals.

Mary Cooper: Sheldon, if you're trying to prove me wrong, the tighty-whities on your head ain't changing my mind.

Leonard: Penny, as a scientist, my job is to figure out why things happen. But I don't think I'll ever understand how someone like me could get to be with someone like you. You know maybe I don't need to understand it, I just need to be grateful. I love you, Penny.

Penny: Okay, I understand everyone's a little tense today, so I am just gonna get to the important stuff. Leonard, standing here with you in front of our family and friends is bringing up a lot of feelings. Like what a good idea it was to elope the first time. But also how incredibly happy you make me. Thank you for marrying me. Hopefully for the last time.

Leonard: Superman's gone. My stormtrooper's gone.
Sheldon: Your Klingon word-of-the-day calendar's gone.
Leonard: I'd say "damn it" in Klingon, but that wasn't until next month.
Sheldon: It's "khoo-vakh".
Leonard: Khoo-vakh!

Penny: You know, there was a time I would say "God bless you," and then you would say "If you must invoke an imaginary deity, how about Thor?" And I would say, "How do you know I didn't mean Thor?" And then you would say "Touche," and that there ends the tale of why I no longer say "God bless you."
Sheldon: Well, we have had some fun, haven't we?
Penny: Oh, yeah.

Penny: We wouldn't even sit in your spot while you're gone.
Sheldon: You're darn right, you wouldn't. No matter where I am, this will always be my spot. Like an embassy in a foreign country, this seat is the sovereign soil of my bottom.

Sheldon: Oh, I don't mind, I'm very good at complaining. If it were an Olympic sport, I'd complain about what a stupid sport it is and then I'd take home the gold.

Howard: It's pretty late. You think I've got time to run some more simulations on the cooling system?
Leonard: Sure, I'm still figuring out the thermo-acoustic expander.
Sheldon: Oh, while you do that I am going to pump cerebral spinal fluid through my brain cells to remove the metabolic by-products of the day's thoughts.
Howard: What?
Sheldon: It's called sleep and it's my bedtime. Nighty-night, y'all.