Sheldon: What is Leonard doing calling you at this hour?
Amy: It's not important.
Sheldon: I must tell you, that seems a little inappropriate. Don't you agree?
Ramona Nowitzki: I do.
Sheldon: See? We both think so.

Raj: We're being ridiculous. There's no way a woman that attractive is trying to seduce Sheldon Cooper.
Howard: You done trying to make yourself feel better?
Raj: No. I haven't played the race card yet.

Penny: We need to talk.
Sheldon: Wh-- Is this about Leonard and Amy? I don't like it either.

Penny: All right. What do you think is happening?
Sheldon: I think Dr. Nowitzki is a friendly colleague. I think you and Leonard need to see a marriage counselor. And I need to update my rsum to include swimming as a special skill.

Amy: What would a theoretical physicist understand about an experiment anyway? I mean, you wouldn't know a confounding variable if two of them hit you in the face at the same time! And you don't even get that joke, 'cause you don't even work with confounding variables!

Amy: You know, I had a feeling you were using the wrong computational model, but I didn't say anything 'cause you're so sensitive.
Sheldon: Just because I'm easily bothered by light, heat, smell, sound, and the way birds look at me does not mean I'm sensitive.

Leonard: Until we get married a third time, you guys will never have to see each other again.
Alfred Hofstadter: Well, you know, actually that's not the case. Mary may visit me in New York.
Mary Cooper: Mm-hmm. And he's never been to Texas.
Alfred Hofstadter: Maybe we meet halfway.
Sheldon: In the Chattahoochee National Forest in Georgia? I can't be the only one that knows that's halfway.

Sheldon: Leonard, I've been meaning to ask you: what size shoe do you wear?
Leonard: Why?
Sheldon: I'm trying to take more of an interest in other people's lives.
Leonard: That's nice. I wear a size eight and a half.
Sheldon: (giggles) That's small.

Amy: Hi, Bert. This is my friend, Penny.
Penny: Hi.
Bert: Hey, come on in. I'll go turn on some rock music.
Amy: (chuckles) That's a geology joke. Bert's a geologist.
Bert: And a joker.

Sheldon: When we're sleeping, she breathes on me. One night, it got so bad I almost grabbed Toto and headed for the storm cellar.

Daniel: I love your movie.
Penny: Well, thanks.
Daniel: It has got to be one of the worst things I've ever seen in my life.
Penny: Your love confuses me.
Leonard: Would you like an autograph?
Daniel: Sure.
Penny: Okay, who do I make it out to?
Daniel: Daniel.
Penny: Okay.
Daniel: I have to ask. Were you trying to be that bad, or are you just a terrible actress?
Penny: That did not clear things up.

Amy: Maybe I can get a little help putting some of this stuff away.
Sheldon: Oh, calm down. I already put away five of these (Mimosas)! (To Stuart) You see? No muss, no fuss, not a single cuss.

Sheldon: Are you going to confront Penny?
Leonard: Eventually, I guess. Although, I am kind of curious how long she thinks she can keep hiding my stuff without me knowing.
Sheldon: Hmm. You know, perhaps instead of confronting them, we should see how far they're willing to spin their tangled webs. Like that Spider-Man action figure that used to be on your desk.
Leonard: Oh my God, I'm going blind.

Amy: So, while we're at your mother's house, it might be a good time to tell her that we're living together.
Sheldon: Do we have to? I really don't want to hear the religious lecture.
Amy: Maybe there won't be one.
Sheldon: There's always one. She gave it to my sister about her boyfriend, my brother about his girlfriend, my father about his girlfriend. That one had some un-Christian words in it.

Sheldon: Oh, hey. If you knocked, I couldn't hear you. I'm welding this locomotive engine. And if you didn't knock, how about some manners?