Stuart: I can't believe you went behind my back!
Raj: Which clearly means I want this more!
Stuart: You want to play a game of "who's more desperate" with me? 'Cause you're in the big leagues now, Bucko.

Leonard: Is it me, or did we just patch a tire?
Sheldon: He said, "Never patch." Do you even listen?

Sheldon: Barry, I've come to ask one more- Leonard? Wh-Why are you doing that?
Leonard: Because deep down Barry is not a good guy.

Leonard: I made a deal with him to get you the Athenaeum for your wedding.
Sheldon: Why would you do that?
Leonard: Because I was a jerk for lying to you before and besides, you're my best friend. I want you to have the wedding of your dreams.
Sheldon: On Mars?
Leonard: Okay, I want Amy to have the wedding of her dreams.

Sheldon: We're not going to let Barry win.
Leonard: Well, what are we going to do?
Sheldon: We have a combined IQ of 360. Perhaps more if that radiation gave you a super brain.

Howard: Oh, boy. I really passed out hard.
Raj: Yeah, tell me about it. The kids could've screamed bloody murder and you wouldn't have woken up. Which I know because they did.

Penny: No, apparently someone complained to the tenants association, and they're not allowed to park on our street anymore.
Leonard: Who would complain about something that everyone loves? Oh.

Sheldon: Hey, good news, Amy. We got the Athenaeum.
Amy: Oh, my gosh. That's amazing. How'd you get Barry to change his mind?
Sheldon: Well, I couldn't have done it without Leonard. Boy, you should've seen us in there. We were like Batman and Robin.
Leonard: Why do I have to be Robin?
Sheldon: If you have to ask, you're Robin.

Amy: Hey, whatever kind of pink eye their kids have, I have, and I need to know. And if it's viral, I'm screwed.
Howard: Maybe not. You know, I know it's not traditional wedding attire, but how about a welder's mask?
Raj: If you know a welder, that could be your "something borrowed".

Howard: I'm only saying this because I love you and because you can't reach me from that bed, but you sound a little crazy.
Bernadette: I love you, too, but I could fling this card in your eye like a ninja throwing star.
Howard: I don't believe you. (covers his eyes and backs out of the room)

Leonard: Sheldon, you need to apologize to your brother.
Sheldon: I'm sorry?
Leonard: Yes. Like that, but nicer, and that way.

Sheldon: I'm sorry, I think you're forgetting that the sandwich was invented by John Montagu, the Earl of Sandwich.
Penny: Oh. The truck's called "Pearl of Sandwich." Now I get it.

Penny: Hey, Beverly.
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, hello, Penny.
Penny: Uh, Leonard just left. He's gonna be so upset he missed your call.
Beverly Hofstadter: Why?
Penny: Because he ... Yeah, I don't know.

Penny: Uh, Mr. Fowler, are you okay back there? Do you need more air?
Mrs. Fowler: He's fine.

Penny: Hey, where are you going?
Leonard: Back to the dry cleaner. Look at this. They didn't get the stain out of my Starfleet uniform.
Penny: Well, if you didn't make me wear the green body paint in bed, you wouldn't have to get it dry-cleaned so much.
Leonard: Nah, it's worth it.