Penny: I'm not leaving you for Bill Gates.
Leonard: You sure? I bet his Internet's really fast.

Mrs. Wolowitz: Howard, what's going on?! Are you boys roughhousing?!
Howard: No, we're not roughhousing! We're scientists! Scientists don't roughhouse!
Mrs. Wolowitz: Excuse me, Mr. Grown-up!

Amy: I can't believe we're doing this.
Sheldon: I know. I'm getting married. The new Star Wars movie's coming out. We are really finishing this year strong.
Amy: Okay, but of the two of tho- You know, I'm not even gonna ask. I'm not gonna ask.

Leonard: Hey, what's going on with your hair?
Raj: Uh, nothing. I just decided to stop straightening it.
Penny: Wait, so you were making your hair look like that on purpose?
Raj: When I first moved to America, I wanted to fit in. And Howard's hair was straight, and he was the coolest person I knew.
Penny: Then you never saw any other people?

Amy: I-I thought Wil was marrying us.
Sheldon: Wolowitz got us an upgrade.
Amy: Another sci-fi guy with a beard. Seems lateral, but okay.

Amy: What's going on?
Sheldon: What if there was something I wanted to do, but I was worried other people would think less of me?
Amy: Is that other person me, and does it happen in the bedroom, in which case I think I'm cool with it?
Sheldon: No. It's about working with Bert on - You know what? I'm not even gonna say it. I am just gonna say the letter it starts with and -"ology". G-- Oh, no, that's not gonna work.

Amy: Can you believe it? We're about to walk in that door, Dr. Cooper and Dr. Fowler, and walk out as a married couple, Dr. Cooper and Dr. Fowler.

Mrs. Wolowitz: Howard, I made cookies for you and your little friends!
Howard: They're not my little friends, and we don't want cookies!
Leonard: Actually, a cookie sounds good.
Howard: All right, we'll have cookies! Thank you very much!

Amy: Should we go congratulate him?
Sheldon: I'll do better than that, I'll give him constructive criticism.
Amy: Here's some constructive criticism: don't.

Sheldon: And worse than that, Edison filmed the first on-screen kiss, so he's basically a pornographer. Although every time I put that in Wikipedia, someone takes it out.

Amy: Well, what was wrong with it? You know, did you find it borderline psychotic? I mean, I liked that about it, but you guys discuss.

Sheldon: You know, we did get dressed up and come all the way to City Hall.
Amy: What are you thinking?
Sheldon: I have always wanted a permit to dispose of hazardous waste.
Amy: Let's do it.

Sheldon: I want a real wedding.
Amy: Well, Sheldon, it was just making us fight.
Sheldon: I know. But, Amy, I never thought I'd want to marry anyone. So the fact that I found you is astonishing. It's-it's like finding dark matter, except they're looking for dark matter. I wasn't even looking for you. S-So you're even better than dark matter.
Amy: (chuckles) Sheldon.
Sheldon: Plus, plus, you interact with light, so I can see you. And, also, you don't account for the missing mass in the universe. Oh, and-
Amy: Okay, I think you're getting caught up on the ways I'm not like dark matter.
Sheldon: Right. Sorry.

Penny: Leonard thinks when we broke up, it didn't bother me.
Zack: That's crazy. When we were going out, she used to talk about you all the time. In fact, I think she only dated me because I reminded her of you.
Leonard: Sure. Because we're both people?
Zack: Damn right we are.

Raj: Uh, you know, my secret to making great omelets is that I beat the egg whites separately. Speaking of which, how long have you been separated? Speaking of which, how long have you been separated?
Nell: About two weeks.
Raj: That is not a lot of weeks. In fact, that's the bare minimum to get to the plural "weeks".