Sheldon: Is that what I would've sounded like?
Leonard: Yeah.
Sheldon: Yikes!

Howard: So, my incredible wife has some exciting news.
Bernadette: Howie, stop. I don't want to brag.
Howard: Oh, okay, sorry.
Bernadette: Really? No one's gonna ask?
Leonard: Sorry. What's your news?
Bernadette: The drug I've been working on for the past five years just got approved by the FDA.
Penny: Wow.
Raj: Oh, congratulations. Was that the decongestant you developed?
Bernadette: No, we had to rebrand that as a solvent for mining equipment.

Amy: Sheldon, look at this.
Sheldon: Wait a minute. How do I know this isn't one of those joke phones that squirts water in my face?
Amy: Because that's not even a thing.

Stuart: Seriously, do you think I should ask her out?
Raj: Absolutely. Don't let love get away. It is the most important thing in the world. Without it, life is dark and meaningless and all you're left with is the judgmental gaze of your dog as you finish off a bag of Doritos on the toilet.

Sheldon: I'd like to start this episode by apologizing on behalf of Dr. Fowler, who made the wild claim last week that there was no national tricolored flag with a purple stripe, when, in fact, the Estonian governorate inside the Russian Empire had a purple stripe on their flag from 1721 to 1917. See? Right there in the middle.
Amy: And I'd like to apologize on behalf of Dr. Cooper for having his zipper down for the entire segment on the flags of East Africa.
Sheldon: Sorry, Tanzania, you deserve better.

Howard: See what I'm talking about?
Sheldon: Oh, yes. Oh, that is textbook encroachment. And I know because I have the textbook.
Amy: First edition.

Howard: Oh. Look what Halley drew.
Bernadette: Yeah, she made it at daycare.
Howard: It's pretty good, huh?
Bernadette: Is it?
Howard: Wow. Gentile moms are tough.

Sheldon: That tank was amazing. It was like Disneyland, but the rides were in 35 dimensions. And instead of Mickey, I had my picture taken with the concept that time is an illusion.

Leonard: Hey, buddy, how you feeling?
Sheldon: [moans] Aw. Five more minutes?
Penny: Hey, Amy. Relaxed?
Amy: I'm a failure! I can't do this!
Sheldon: Can someone close her lid? She's kind of harshing my mellow.

Howard: This is just delightful.
Bernadette: Do you think he knows we're the ones that got him in trouble?
Howard: Who cares?
Bernadette: I do. I met his wife. She seems really nice.
Andy: Sorry about the noise, neighbor!
Howard: No problem!
Andy: Hey, you guys know a Sheldon Cooper?!
Bernadette: No, we do not!

Denise: That's a lot of bruises.
Stuart: Yeah, well, you shot me a lot of times. That's not even counting the bruises on the inside.
Denise: 'Cause I hurt your feelings?
Stuart: Let's hope that's all it is.

Stuart: Ah, look, I'm sorry that I freaked out. It's just that things are going so good with us, and I'm afraid that if we go too fast, I am gonna mess it up.
Denise: I get that. I don't want to mess things up, either.
Stuart: Um, I got you something. It's a key to my place to show you that I'm serious.
Denise: Thank you. Mm. Well, isn't this technically a key to Howard and Bernadette's place?
Stuart: Yes, so don't ever use it or let them know that you have it.

Penny: Hang on. What do you think? Want to give it a try? [elevator bell dings]
Sheldon: Well, you know, the elevator did work when I moved into the building. So going up and down the stairs was a change, which means this would actually be a return to the status quo. But, conversely, I think-
Penny: Get in!
[the elevator door closes]
Sheldon: This is wild.

Bernadette: Hey, what you got there?
Howard: Oh. [stammers] Just tossing out this old helmet I don't need. I thought you were at the park.
Bernadette: We were. The kids got sleepy.
Howard: Great story. I need to make a phone call.
Bernadette: Howard, why do you look all guilty? Like when I catch you deleting your browser history?

Amy: Shall we?
Sheldon: One second. Is the pH between 7.2 and 7.8?
Bebe: Yes.
Sheldon: Is the water drained and replaced after each use?
Bebe: Yes.
Sheldon: Is the saline level 30%?
Bebe: Yes.
Sheldon: Does your filtration system use ultraviolet light to kill bacteria?
Bebe: Yes.
Sheldon: I don't need to get in. I'm relaxed already.