Raj: Go away. She wants New Delhi, not Kosher deli.

*Raj sneezes*
Sheldon: Hold.
Raj: What?
Sheldon: Explain your sneeze.
Raj: I'm sorry?
Sheldon: Do you have allergies?
Raj: No.
Sheldon: Is there too much pepper on your salad?
Raj: I don't put pepper on salads.
Sheldon: I've heard enough. Sit over there.

Sheldon: Vocal test. Morning vocal test. Second vocal test. Second morning vocal test.

Leonard: You know what, go to Hell and set their thermostat.
Sheldon: I don't have to go to Hell. At 73 degrees, I'm already there.

Sheldon: And next, if either of us ever invents time travel, we agree our first stop will be this meeting today in precisely five seconds.
Leonard: Okay. [They look around, nothing happens]
Sheldon: Well that's disappointing.

Howard: Just giving the lady the old tour of the salt mines.
Bernadette: (Giggling) He doesn't mean salt mines , he means where he works.

Penny: Come on, I mean, you're not upset that your marriage is over?
Beverly: Well, initially I felt something akin to grief and perhaps anger, but that's the natural reaction of the limbic system to being betrayed by a loathsome son of a bitch.
Penny: Sure, sure.

Penny: How is that not talking to me like I'm an idiot? It's my friend, it's my couch, and it's my freakin' life!
Sheldon: It's also your roll.

Penny: I have to go to the bathroom.
Sheldon: Can't you hold it?
Penny: Not for 2600 years!

Raj: Hey, Sheldon, guess what I've heard today.
Sheldon: I'd imagine you heard any number of things today. When you arrived at work, you undoubtedly heard: Hello, Raj; How are you, Raj; and given you're wearing a new sweater vest, you may have heard: "New Sweater Vest" and possible, though less likely "Nice Sweater Vest."

Sheldon: What's funny about Cylon toast?

Raj: I was on the radio, once. I called in to Fever 104 FM New Dehli and was the fourth person to say the phrase that pays: Fever 104 (speaking Hindi).
*The guys stare at Raj*
Raj: That means "Fever 104: Home of the really good current music."
Raj: It's much catchier in Hindi.

Penny: (About the cards) I got a question.
Leonard: Warlord beats troll, troll beats elf, elf beats water sprite, and basically everything beats Enchanted Bunny.
Howard: Unless you have the carrot of power.
Penny: Okay, I've got another question. When does this get fun?

Sheldon: You see. People have been pointing and laughing at me all morning.
Barry Kripke: Not true. People have been pointing and laughing at you your whole life.

Sheldon: Now Fetch Me Will Wheaton! (SPEAKING KLINGON)
Wil Wheaton: Did that guy just say, "Revenge is a dish best served cold," in Klingon?
Stuart: I believe so.
Wil Wheaton: What is wrong with him?
Stuart: Everyone has a different theory.