Leonard: I drove, mother. I'm driving now.
Beverly Hofstadter: Yes, dear. Mommy's proud.

Leonard: I just don't understand why he knows more about your life than I do.
Beverly Hofstadter: Well, I would assume it's because Sheldon and I stay in touch due to mutual interests and respect, while you avoid me due to unresolved childhood issues.

Howard: You're either on Team Leonard or Team Penny.
Sheldon: Which one picks last?
Howard: What?
Sheldon: Well, usually I'm on the team that picks last. Unless there's a kid in the wheelchair.

Penny: Ooh, I'm gonna get the cheesecake out of the fridge.
Sheldon: Oh, Lord, I'm in Jewish hell.

Sheldon: I've just discovered I don't have enough room on my hard drive for a Linux partition, so you and I are going to perform a full backup, re-initialize and then re-install all my operating systems.

Howard: Raj says he can teach you - what do call it? (Raj repeats it to him again.) Uh, I don't know some Indian meditation crap.

Barry Kripke: Yeah, but research in to dark energy proved that Einstein's cosmological constant was right all along. So you're still, surprise surprise, a loser.

Leonard: Pardon me, Sheldon, but how many reels until the protagonist gets to his point?

Howard: All right, Raj has played his Phantom Warlord card and I am going to back him up with my strangling vines. (Playing card, making gesture to Leonard) Choke on that, sucker.

Leonard: Sheldon has kind of a photographic memory.
Sheldon: "Photographic" is a misnomer. I have an eidetic memory, as I've told you many times. Most recently last year during lunch on the afternoon of May 7th. You had turkey and complained it was dry.

Raj: I know they're poison, but they look like big, yummy otter pops.

Raj: One day, I hold a great ball for the President of France, but the rabbits, they hate me and don't come. I'm embarrassed, so I eat all the lettuce in the world and make them watch.

Howard: It's not enough you get the prom queen, you have to get the head of the decorating committee, too?

Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, did I thank you for the flowers?
Sheldon: You did.
Beverly Hofstadter: I don't really like flowers.
Sheldon: Me neither, but it's the social convention.
Beverly Hofstadter: It is, isn't it?

Leonard: So, how'd you two guys meet?
Zack: My company designs the menus for the Cheesecake Factory.
Leonard: Your company?
Zack: Well, it's my dad's, but me and my sister are VPs.
Leonard: So, menus?
Zack: I know it sounds easy but there's a lot of science that goes in designing them.