Sheldon: I didn't want to upset you. Howard made it very clear that my allegiance should be to male comrades before women who sell their bodies for money.
Leonard: Is it possible he said Bros before Hos?
Sheldon: Yes, but I rephrased it to avoid offending the hos.

Sheldon: Die, Wil Wheaton, die!

Sheldon: My credibility may have been damaged.
Barry Kripke: Completely wrecked.

Leonard: Sheldon, dinner's here.
Sheldon: Tandoori Palace?
Leonard: No, we went somewhere new.
Sheldon: You’re good-naturedly ribbing me, aren't you?
Leonard: No, look, Mumbai Palace.
Sheldon: Why? Why would we change? We had a perfectly good palace. Tandoori Palace is our palace.

Raj: Be careful.
Sheldon: If I were not being careful, your telling me to be careful would not make me careful.

Raj: My god, you think that every thought that comes out of your head is pure gold. Well, let me tell you something. Some of those thoughts are pure caca.
Sheldon: Caca?
Raj: It means doo-doo.

Stuart: I was thinking of closing early and going home, but let's face it, that's just a slightly smaller lonely room filled with comics.

Penny: I have to go to the bathroom.
Sheldon: Can't you hold it?
Penny: Not for twenty six hundred years.

Sheldon: We discussed it at length during our last video chat. Although how we got on to the subject of you is baffling.
Beverly Hofstadter: Yes, but we are on the subject, so I'm obliged to ask: Leonard, how are you?

Beverly Hofstadter: She's a remarkable girl. The youngest appeals court judge in New Jersey and a two-time Olympic gold medallist.
Leonard: You must be very happy.
Beverly Hofstadter: Why? I'm not marrying her.

Abby: Hey that's pretty cool, what is it?
Sheldon: It's a limited edition Green Lantern lantern. My friend is looking for someone to copulate with.
Abby: You're very funny. I'm Abby.

Sheldon: Have you chosen one to copulate with?

Raj: Dude, there's so many cool things we could be doing tonight. Look. At the Glendale Galleria, "Put on your best zoot suit, it's a salute to Swing music in the center court near Macy's. 5pm to 9pm", huh, huh? A salute to zoot. Sounds like a hoot.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, Raj, I have no desire to salute any article of clothing tonight. Much less one that's linked to race riots in the 1940s.
Raj: Race riots?
Sheldon: The zoot suit riots.
Raj: Oh. I always thought that was some sort of after-Christmas sale.

Raj: Sheldon, I'm begging you. I want to go to this mixer, and I don't want to go alone.
Sheldon: Well, you're in luck. There's a mixer here in Flatland. Oh, look, there's a sexually attractive line segment, you should chat her up.
Raj: What?
Sheldon: Tell her you're a circle. Flatland gals are all hot for circles.

Sheldon: When does the C.S.I. team get here? Policeman: What? Sheldon: In anticipation of their arrival, I've bagged some evidence. One of the thieves had the audacity to quench his thirst while ransacking our home. You should be able to pull some good prints off this. And now, here are my prints so you can rule me out as a suspect. Leonard: What about me? Sheldon: I'm sorry, Leonard. It's too early to discount the possibility of this being an inside job.