Beverly Hofstadter: Hello, dear.
Leonard: You called my mother?
Sheldon: Oh, Leonard, is it really necessary to caption the obvious?
Beverly Hofstadter: He's been like that since he was a toddler. Look, Mommy, a butterfly. Maddening.

Sheldon: Why would I feel safer with Zachary Quinto at the foot of my bed?
Leonard: I don't know, he was pretty bad ass on Heroes.
Sheldon: Nope. Sorry Quinto, you're going back!

Sheldon: All right, so the topic at hand is sexual fidelity. Probably won't be relying on Suess here. Although One Fish Two Fish, Red Fish Blue Fish might be surprisingly applicable here.

Leonard: Lobster traps?
Sheldon: Yes. That's how Velma and Scooby smuggled Shaggy into the old lighthouse.

Penny: You mean, like a date?
Leonard: Not like a date, a date.

Raj: With women! I like to boogie with women!

Howard: Actually, Barry, we're not going to have strippers tonight.
Barry Kripke: Aww, then what the flip did I get $200 in singles out for?

Penny: What's the word, hummingbird?

Beverly Hofstadter: Sheldon informed me that you're experiencing an emotional upheaval, and I'm here to help.
Leonard: That's so nice.
Beverly Hofstadter: And we're back to the obvious. Now, what's up?

Howard: Sometime through the night an armadillo fell in, then he spooned me.

Leonard: I play Grand Theft Auto. I know about gats. *gun fires*

Leonard: Can you be more specific on how my eyebrows are "stupid"? No, never mind. It's right here.

Bernadette: What are you going to get at the train store, Sheldon?
Sheldon: Oh, I'm not buying anything. They're having a lecture. H-O gauge railroading. Half the size of O-gauge, but twice the fun. Very controversial topic.
Howard: Which side do you come down on?
Sheldon: I'll let you know after tonight. Unlike some people, I'm going in with an open mind. Who am I kidding? Of course we all know it's O-gauge or no gauge.

Raj: Don't talk to her (Siri) that way. She's a lady.
Barry Kripke: Well, that lady took high-res pictures of my junk last night for Craigslist. Later!

Howard: She says, do you play an instrument?
Raj: No, but when I was six years old, I tried to start a band called Frankie Goes To Bollywood. But I couldn't get any boys to join, so my parents asked the servants to be my backing dancers. Wait, when you sign servants, don't sign it like I'm bragging. Sign it in a way that I sound humble with just a hint of, that's right, I had servants.
Howard: Do you hear yourself?
Raj: Yes, but she doesn't. So get signing, hand monkey.