Leonard: Sheldon, hang tight. Hey, do you want me to bring you anything?
Sheldon: Yes, please. A pair of pants, and my toothbrush, and my mail, and a really good come back for chicken legs. Because "I know you are, but what am I?" was met with stony silence.

Howard: And you love the sound of your own voice.
Sheldon: Well, of course I do. Listen to it. It's like an earful of melted caramel.

Raj: Sheldon, you busy?
Sheldon: I'm always busy. This mind is capable of advanced multi-tasking. Currently, I'm attempting to solve the Penrose Conjecture, I'm composing my Nobel acceptance speech for when I've solved the Penrose Conjecture, and I'm wondering how mermaids have babies.

Sheldon: We'll take some funions.
Amy: Anything else?
Sheldon: Some York Peppermint Patties, a couple of Dr. Peppers, and run to Best Buy and see if they have a portable DVD player and Season 1 of a show called Hannah Montana.
Raj: Have her get Season 2. In Season 1 it was still finding itself.

Dr. Lorvis: I'm not a delivery man. I'm a doctor. Although I do often deliver alarming medical results to my patients.
Sheldon: That's humorous.
Dr. Lorvis: All right.

Sheldon: I bet you leave your patients in stitches. *Silence* That was also humorous.
Dr. Lorvis: All right.

Penny: "It was just past dawn on the prairie and, like every morning, Amelia prepared to do her chores. Except something about this morning felt different."
Bernadette: Why? Why did it feel different?
Penny: "Maybe it was the first whisper of winter in the air. Or maybe it was the unconscious, handsome man with porcelain skin and curious clothing she was about to discover lying in the field. A man who would open her mind to new possibilities and her body to new feelings."

Howard: You know, I thought our friendship meant more to you.
Raj: So did I.

*Stuart's phone rings*
Howard: You need to take that?
Stuart: It's just my dad, probably calling to wish me a happy birthday. I'll call him back. You were saying?

Amy: Being your girlfriend is so challenging. Emotionally, physically. I've been incredibly patient for years.
Sheldon: Strongly disagree. Go on.

Bernadette: Like our lawyers say, the world is full of things that can cause a rectum to bleed.

Leonard: So you never went outside?
Sheldon: Or had a single piece of fruit.

Bernadette: It's not that hard. You just look to where you want to throw it, step towards where you want to throw, and throw it.
Howard: That's your help? That's like saying "Here's how you fly a plane: get in the airplane and know where you want to go, and fly it."

Amy: So when you guys plan on getting married?
Penny: We're not sure, but I wanna wait long enough to prove to my mother I'm not pregnant.

Raj: You suck, Wolowitz!
Sheldon: He makes a valid point!