Amy: What are you doing here? You're not Sheldon.
Stuart: I thought that might come up. Sheldon hired me to go shopping with you.

Dave: This is delicious.
Amy: Thank you.
Dave: Been a long time since I had a home-cooked meal.
Amy: When you were married, did your wife cook?
Dave: Not at first, no. But when she began cheating on me with a French chef, she became quite the wiz in the kitchen.
Amy: So, a little silver lining.
Dave: I suppose. Yeah, nothing takes the sting out of a shattered life like a properly-seasoned bowl of onion soup.

Leonard: Am I like the dryer sheets of your heart?
Penny: Better. You're the lint trap of my love.

Amy: Hi, Mom.
How are you doing? Oh, good.
How's work? That's nice.
I'm fine.
Hey, listen, I've been meaning to ask, how come Aunt Doe and Aunt Florence never got along?
Penny: Okay, just give me that. Amy broke up with Sheldon, she got her ears pierced and she made us eat penis cookies!
Hang on. She wants to talk to you.

Sheldon: I have a question about Batman. Batman is a man who dresses up like a bat. Man-bat is a part man, part bat hybrid. Now, if Man-Bat dressed up as a man to fight crime, would he be Man-Batman?
Leonard: No, he'd be Bat-Man-Bat.
Raj: But wouldn't Man-Batman just be a Batman that was bitten by a radioactive man?
Howard: But Batman is a man. You're talking about a man who would have the powers of a man. That's just Man-Man.
Sheldon: Well, isn't Man-Man just Man?
Leonard: But what if Man-Man dressed as a bat?
Raj: Well, that's just Batman.
Leonard: No, if a man dresses as a bat, that's Batman, but if Man-Man dresses as a bat, that's Batman-Man.
Howard: So does that answer your question?
Sheldon: Oh, I haven't asked it yet.

Sheldon: Well, I shouldn't be surprised. There's a rich history of brilliant minds descending into madness.
Penny: Come on, Sheldon. There are plenty of smart people who don't have mental problems.
Leonard: Yup, she's right. For every Newton who had a psychological issue, there's an Edison who was just a jerk. That could totally be you.

Amy: Maybe intimate is what I need.
Bernadette: You sure? You've never really been with a man. Do you really want to start with one that's 6ft 7"?
Amy: Why not?
Bernadette: 'Cause it's like taking your driver's test in a bus.

Sheldon: You look amazing. I mean, this resolution is remarkable.
Amy: (On Skype) I really had to go home for this?
Sheldon: Yes, but it's like you're right here in the room.
Amy: And yet, I'm not.
Sheldon: But I feel like I could reach out and touch you.
Amy: And yet, you can't.
Sheldon: I know.

Leonard: I'd love it if my dad could come.
Penny: Oh, you have to invite him. I haven't seen him since the divorce.
Leonard: Oh, he's like a different man. He stopped twitching, and I think he grew an inch and a half.

Raj: Okay, and here's the hook. "Thor and Dr. Jones. Thor and Dr. Jones. One plays with lightning. The other plays with bones."

Sheldon: I appreciate your interest in the apartment. I just need to ask you a few standard questions.
Applicant: Sure.
Sheldon: It says here you're a chemist. Which element on the periodic table do you feel is too big for its britches?
Applicant: Is that supposed to be a joke?
Sheldon: Looks like argon's not the only one with an attitude problem.

Meemaw: Thank you, Moon Pie.
Amy: Uh, I'm curious. Why do you call Sheldon "Moon Pie?"
Meemaw: 'Cause he's so nummy-nummy.
Leonard and Penny: She could just eat him up.

Leonard: I know what you're doing. You're trying to get attention so we'll feel bad for you, but it's not happening.
Sheldon: No, what I'm doing is trying to figure out how to live my life now that everyone is leaving me.
Leonard: Will you knock it off? We're across the hall.
Sheldon: As the kids are saying today, "talk to the hand."
Penny: They're not saying that.
Sheldon: They are in 2003.
Penny: No, no. They're really not.

Mike Rostenkowski: You know, I know you don't want to hear this, but it wouldn't take that much work to turn that den into a nursery.
Howard: Why wouldn't I want to hear it?
Mike Rostenkowski: 'Cause Bernie said you didn't want kids.
Howard: That's not true at all. I wish she'd get pregnant, believe me. I'm climbing on top of her every chance I get.
In a loving and respectful manner.

Raj: Of course. I'll give you guys some space. Let me just get this out of your way. (Raj fumbles around trying to move the gigantic teddy bear. He knocks over various objects in Howard & Bernadette's living room)
Howard: You need some help?
Raj: No, I got it.
Bernadette: Raj, Raj, wait.
Raj: Please, Bernadette. Let me leave with my dignity. (Raj falls over the teddy bear as he tries to move it out the door)