Bernadette: Yeah, I mean, with you and my parents, she's gonna be fine.
Stuart: Ah, of course she is.
Bernadette: And that day care is great.
Stuart: It is. I went to check it out, and they are very cautious about letting strange men with no kids peek in the windows.

Leonard: Now we're going as Hulk and She-Hulk. I don't want to take my shirt off at Comic-Con.
Sheldon: If I may speak for Comic-Con, we don't want that either.

Sheldon: Leonard? Leonard?
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: You realize you and I could become brothers.
Leonard: We're not gonna be brothers. We're not gonna be step brothers. Go to sleep.
Sheldon: I hope you're right. 'Cause a grown man living with his brother and his brother's wife is weird.

Althea: Sweetheart, go home. Come back when the contractions are five minutes apart for an hour.
Raj: I'm sorry. That's ambiguous. Is it five minutes apart starting at the top of the hour, or five minutes apart starting with the first contraction, so essentially, like, 65 minutes?
Althea: I'm just throwing this out there, but home births are very popular these days.

Raj: Oh my god, I just got it. Fun onions. Funyuns. Hahahaha!

Bernadette: I didn't know her five minutes and she asked, (imitating Mrs. Wolowitz) "Are you a Milky Way or a Snickers girl?"
Howard: Thank God you answered right - we wouldn't be here today.

Bernadette: Look, Raj just gets along with women.
Leonard: I know, but he was my friend first. It's like she's stealing him and they're just having the best time doing all their dumb girly stuff together.
Howard: You sure you don't fit in? You sound like a catty bitch to me.

Sheldon: Of course you're fine. Not every member of a species finds a mate. Sir Isaac Newton died a virgin. Look at the contributions he made.
Raj: I'm not a virgin, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Wha- So now you think you're better than Isaac Newton?

Alfred Hofstadter: You're a patient young lady.
Sheldon: Hey, hey! She's mine! Take a cold shower, grandpa!

Amy: Now, I'm sure many of you are wondering how Fun with Flags began.
Sheldon: So let's hear from some people who were there at the very start. Howard, flashback sounds.
Amy: Could have played that on my harp.
Sheldon: Just roll the clip.

Stuart: (Storming into Howard and Bernadette's room with a baseball bat) Not on my watch!
Bernadette: It's fine. It's just Raj. You can hit him with the bat, but it's fine.

Bernadette: I don't even know where to begin.
Raj: Well, in The Sound of Music, Julie Andrews says, "Let's start at the very beginning. A very good place to start."
Bernadette: Oh, I was gonna start at the end. Thank God you're here.

Howard: She would've been the best grandma.
Bernadette: She did always have candy in her pocket.
Howard: Yeah. I was 20 years old before I figured out Tootsie Rolls weren't naturally warm.

Amy: Penny says they're ready to go. Very well.
Sheldon: Prepare for a long night of deceit.
Amy: Sheldon, women can wear makeup, it's not lying.
Sheldon: I was talking about Leonard. And if makeup is so truthful, why is it called "concealer"?

Sheldon: I spoke with Leonard's mother, and she made me feel better.
Leonard: I don't know who you talked to, but that wasn't my mother.