Tam: Sheldon, come here.
Sheldon: Bazinga!

Sheldon: It's so funny, we did all these experiments on them and they didn't even notice.
Amy: I know, I was worried it would be obvious, but it wasn't.

Sheldon: What? No knock? What's the fracas?

Amy: I-I'm sorry. I-I just-- I-I snapped.
President Siebert: Oh, you're sorry! It's all better then! Listen up, you have a shot to win a Nobel Prize, and you're blowing it.
Ms. Davis: I think what President Siebert is trying to say is that you have a shot to win a Nobel Prize and you're blowing it.
Sheldon: Uh, that's exactly what he said.
Ms. Davis: Yes, but I said it in my calming H.R. voice.

Penny: So neither of them showed up for work today?
Leonard: No, I tried calling and no one picked up.
Penny: Look, I'm sure they're fine. They were probably up all night coming up with a new theory.
Leonard: I also texted to see if he wanted to go to the new Fantastic Beasts movie and he didn't respond.
Penny: All right, well, they're already dead. There's nothing we can do.

Penny: Thank you, but you shouldn't have spent so much.
Zack: Nah. It's cool. I sold my company for a boatload of money. And then I bought a boat. Then I got married. Guess where.
Amy: On your boat?
Zack: No, but that would've been awesome!

Leonard: How was your flight?
Beverly Hofstadter: There were some parents with a baby. A lot of crying.
Leonard: Well, babies do that.
Beverly Hofstadter: No, it was the parents. It seems they couldn't handle some constructive criticism.

Amy: What happened to "I'm never gonna have kids"?
Penny: It was an accident. I went out drinking with Sheldon.
Amy: [gasps] Oh, my gosh. We're sister wives?
Penny: No! Then I went home and slept with Leonard.
Amy: While fantasizing about-
Penny: Leonard. And a little Idris Elba.

Amy: I can't believe you're taking this out on me. I was just trying to get publicity for our paper.
Sheldon: By making it seem like it was your idea?
Amy: I didn't write the headline, Sheldon. Did you even read the article? Because I talk about you continuously.
Sheldon: I know, and it just made you sound modest and charming.
Amy: Why can't you just be proud of me?
Sheldon: I am proud of you.
Amy: Really? Because you sound jealous.
Sheldon: Well, I'm that, too. I've seen Inside Out. I know I can feel two things at once.
[Bernadette fires at them]
Amy: Ow!
Sheldon: Ow! Well now I feel three things.

Bernadette: My dad and I watched you win back-to-back championships.
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar: And I watched you sniff Joe's hair when he wasn't looking.

Bernadette: Why don't you want to work with me? I know I can be tough, but that's just 'cause I'm surrounded by useless idiots.

President Siebert: So, there are some funds left in the general administrative grant, and I need somebody to decide how we should disburse them.
Leonard: Really? Wow, what an honor. Thank you. So how do I decide who gets the money?
President Siebert: How do you decide anything? Think about it with your brain, and then say it with your mouth.

Amy: Who's Tam?
Sheldon: He was my best friend in the whole world growing up.
Amy: Really? Why have I never heard you mention him before?
Sheldon: Oh, of course I have. I'm sure I've mentioned him, like, five times this week.
Amy: I don't think you have.
Sheldon: Tam! Tam! Tam! Tam! Tam! There, it's only Thursday.
Amy: I didn't just drink the crazy milk, I bought the crazy cow.

Penny: Tam, look. Sheldon's hugging me.
Tam: It's a Saturnalia miracle.

Howard: Wow. I wonder what that guy could've done to make Sheldon not talk to him for 20 years.
Leonard: I wonder if it'd work a second time.