Stephen Hawking: What does Sheldon Cooper and a black hole have in common? They both suck.

Sheldon: You know what they say. Revenge is a dish best served nude.

Amy: We could go to the cadaver lab at UCLA and play real-life Operation.
Leonard: Uh-uh.
Sheldon: No.
Penny: I don't think so.
Amy: Are you sure? I mean, the nose doesn't light up, but if the corpse is fresh enough, sometimes you can get the leg to jerk.

Sheldon: Amy, when I look in your eyes and you're looking back in mine, everything feels not quite normal. Because I feel stronger and weaker at the same time. I feel excited and, at the same time, terrified. The truth is, I don't know what I feel, except I know what kind of man I want to be.
Amy: Sheldon, that was beautiful.
Sheldon: I should hope so, that's from the first Spider-Man movie.
Amy: I'll take it.

Sheldon: You know, its a tad old-school, but my father was not one to spare the rod when my brother would sneak into his truck and drink his driving whiskey.
Amy: You want to spank me?

Sheldon: The word is Polish. See, look.
Polish sausage. And the model of the solar system developed by Nicolaus Copernicus, a Polish astronomer. And then, finally, if that wasn't enough, which it should've been, this is Madame Curie killing herself by discovering radium, who, although she was a naturalized French citizen, was Polish by birth.
Penny: Excuse me, the word is polish. See? Small p.
Sheldon: Ah! So it is. I guess we both share blame on this one.

Mrs. Wolowitz: Howard, help, my hand's stuck in the garbage disposal.
Howard: Let go of whatever piece of food you're holding.
Mrs. Wolowitz: Are you kidding? It's a perfectly good chicken leg.

Howard: A week ago, I was an astronaut.
Bernadette: Yeah, well, today you're a Smurf! Keep moving!

Sheldon: Yeah, you had a good run, fake Wolowitz. We'll remember you with nostalgic fondness. The way we do the dial-up modem, the VHS tape, or Leonard's gym membership.

Penny: You know, I remember my first bikini wax. My sister did it with duct tape and melted Crayolas. To this day, I can't look at a box of crayons without crossing my legs.

Raj: Insurance will replace your car, it won't defunk my junk.

Howard: Sheldon, some day, if you get a car, I'm sure they'll give you another parking space.
Sheldon: I don't want another parking space. I want my parking space. It's perfect. It's a corner spot, cutting the risk of door-dings in half. It's a mere 28 steps from the building entrance. The nearby tree provides shade on hot days and is also home to a delightful squirrel. Which is fortuitous because most squirrels are real jerks.

Sheldon: Fun? Mixing Dungeons and Dragons with Christmas is like making a sandwich of grape jelly, the best-tasting jelly, and petroleum jelly, the worst-tasting jelly.

Mrs. Wolowitz: Wives don't take boys from their mothers.

Howard: Okay, here it is. Bernadette said you guys are all sick of me talking about my trip to space. Is that true?
Sheldon: Yes.
Raj: No.
Sheldon: We seem to have different approaches here. I was going for helpful honesty. I have no idea what you're doing.
Raj: It's called being nice.
Sheldon: Okay. If you think being nice will get him to shut up, I'll try it.