Sheldon: What can I do for you ladies?
Amy: You have something we want.
Sheldon: Oh, dear. My mother warned me this is what happens to pretty boys in the big city.
Penny: No, we just want information.
Sheldon: Oh. I've got that spades. Ravage me.

Mrs. Wolowitz: Wives don't take boys from their mothers.

Sheldon: She's remarkable.
Leonard: She really is.
Sheldon: How is it that she can remember all those lines, yet as a waitress she can't remember no tomato on my hamburger?

Sheldon: Did you also have a dog? Because I found what appears to be a battery-operated chew toy.
Penny: Party's over. Party's over.

Leonard: Sheldon's nervous about me leaving. Just keep an eye on him while I'm gone.
Penny: Oh, I don't know. Remember what happened when I took care of your goldfish?
Leonard: Well, flush Sheldon down the toilet and get me a new one.

Howard: Sheldon, some day, if you get a car, I'm sure they'll give you another parking space.
Sheldon: I don't want another parking space. I want my parking space. It's perfect. It's a corner spot, cutting the risk of door-dings in half. It's a mere 28 steps from the building entrance. The nearby tree provides shade on hot days and is also home to a delightful squirrel. Which is fortuitous because most squirrels are real jerks.

Bernadette: The tow truck didn't scratch your car.
Amy: How do you know?
Bernadette: 'cause I did it!

Amy: Seriously, is that tape? Like, how are they staying up like that?

Sheldon: Well, that's a fine how-do-you-do. (To Amy) Don't just stand there. Take your breasts out.

Sheldon: Fun? Mixing Dungeons and Dragons with Christmas is like making a sandwich of grape jelly, the best-tasting jelly, and petroleum jelly, the worst-tasting jelly.

Bernadette: Every one of you has the capacity to be anything you want to be.
Penny: Unless you want to be Cinderella.
Bernadette: Come at me. See what happens!

Sheldon: You know, I am very disappointed that I won't be able to celebrate Howard's accomplishment tonight.
Amy: Me, too. But we'll see him tomorrow.
Sheldon: Yes, it's just that in all the years I've known him, he's never had the opportunity to receive my admiration. I was excited to see the look on his face when it finally happened.

Raj: Can we at least rent the car from Enterprise? (nobody reacts) Oh, screw you! That's funny!

Leonard: I don't have a problem with Stuart. Besides, he gives us a 20% discount at his comic book store.
Sheldon: Well, I don't sell my friendship that cheaply.
Stuart: I can go 30.
Sheldon: Welcome aboard, old chum.

Sheldon: Leonard, make Howard stop being naked in my spot!