Stuart: Actually, I own my own store. Uh, if you'd like to check it out sometime, I'm running a new promotion: buy anything, get taken out for a reasonably priced dinner.
Raj: Yeah, yeah, Stuart's struggling financially. But he doesn't let that get him down. He believes in himself. Even though the whole world has made it clear he should not.

Penny: I thought they fired you guys.
Sheldon: They did, but then they hired me back.
Leonard: Well, you better not be working on our project, because we're a team.
Sheldon: Leonard, there is no "I" in team. However, there is an "I" in "I'm working with the military and you're not." There's five of them, in fact.

Penny: Like, what'd you do last night?
Beverly Hofstadter: I had Cuban food at the home of a man with whom I shared unsatisfying intercourse.
Penny: Wow. Okay.
Beverly Hofstadter: And to anticipate your next questions, roasted pork and sideways missionary.
Penny: Sure. Sure. 'Cause you were full.

Penny: Oh, uh, hey, Beverly, you called my phone, not Leonard's.
Beverly Hofstadter: Actually, I was hoping to speak with you. Is this a good time?
Penny: Uh, that depends. What time is it where you are?
Beverly Hofstadter: Uh, just after 5:00.
Penny: (clears throat, and swaps fruit juice for a bottle of wine) Yeah, that counts.

Amy: Why do you keep tying and untying that bow tie?
Sheldon: I can't seem to get it even.
Amy: Well, I don't think it's supposed to be even. Sometimes a little asymmetry looks good. In the Renaissance, they called it "sprezzatura."
Sheldon: The Renaissance? Amy, you know I'm more of an Enlightenment person. At some point, we have to decide how we want to raise the children.

Raj: Hey! Look what I got everybody.
Leonard: Newspapers? Did you find a portal back to the 1990s?
Penny: No. If he had that, he'd be trying to prevent NSYNC from breaking up.
Raj: Oh, please. I'm glad they broke up. Otherwise, Justin would never have brought sexy back.

Amy: What's with the blinking?
Sheldon: It's Morse code. So we can talk about without hurting --'s feelings.
Amy: Sheldon, I don't know Morse code.
Howard: I do. And if you have something to say, you can say it to my face.

Howard: Do you think Zack stole it?
Penny: No, he doesn't know how to steal Bitcoin. I mean, he waves at trucks.

Amy: Okay, how do you want to play this? Do you want to pretend like nothing's bothering you and blow up later, or do you just want to be a maniac right now?

Raj: Do we know if there's life in the methane plumes of Enceladus or under the icy surface of Europa? Come back on Tuesday for my next show to find out. Spoiler alert: we don't.

Sheldon: I can't believe you don't care.
Professor Proton: Believe it.
Sheldon: Well, I care, a lot, and Wil Wheaton will rue the day he ever met me.
Professor Proton: I think that's true of most people.

Leonard: Okay, that's enough. This fight either has to end or get way more entertaining.

Leonard: Really? Is this still happening?
Howard: I'm willing to make up, but someone's being a baby.
Sheldon: Ooh! I do love a riddle. Oh, let me see. See, my first guess would be Halley, but that'd be strange to accuse her of being a baby 'cause she is a baby. Um, I suppose it could be Stuart; his head does have a certain milky scent.

Howard: Great. Can you bring a few things?
Stuart: Sure. What do you need?
Howard: Balloons, streamers, ice, snacks, a bounce house, face painter, and a couple kids whose parents are willing to lie and say they know me from the Daddy and Me class I've never been to.
Stuart: Where do you and Halley go every week?
Howard: The important thing is we're together, and if the movie gets too violent, I cover her eyes.

Sheldon: Wait. The premise is that he is dressed differently?
Howard: Yeah.
Sheldon: (laughing) That's true. He is not dressed the same.