Bernadette: But then we realized that it's a gift, in the sense that we didn't ask for it, and we may not have chosen it-
Howard: And we already have one.

Amy: That was Wil Wheaton. He's really excited about tomorrow.
Sheldon: As am I. If you'd have told me as a child that an actor from Star Trek would be officiating my wedding, I would've said, "Ooh, William Shatner?" And if you'd have said, "No, Wil Wheaton," I'd have said, "Well, did you even try William Shatner?" And if you'd have said, "Yes, but he costs too much money," I'd have said, "Ah, well, Wil Wheaton's good, too."

Amy: I'm really impressed at how you handled that, Howard.
Howard: Please. I've been sending food back my entire life. One of my first full sentences was, "I had breast milk for breakfast!"

Penny: Hey, I thought you were coming right back.
Leonard: I was, but we're both depressed, and decided to drown our sorrows.
Penny: With mouthwash? Man, that is so summer camp.
Sheldon: It's Romulan ale, from Star Trek.
Leonard: It was briefly legalized during the alliance between the Romulan Empire and the Federation at the time of the Dominion War.
Penny: Aw, now I'm depressed.

Howard: Oh, did your mom pack your lunch?
Sheldon: (chuckles) Of course not. Do you know how much it costs to pack a tuna fish sandwich in dry ice and overnight it from Texas? Well, I do, and my mother says it's too expensive.

Raj: Can we start the movie? Before Sheldon gets here?
Howard: Last time we did that, he didn't talk to us for a month. So do it!

Sheldon: I'm so proud of you.
Amy: And I'm proud of you.
Sheldon: Because you can't tell how jealous I am?
Amy: No, no, no. I can. But I can tell how hard you're trying to keep it in.
Sheldon: Really hard.
Amy: I'm gonna go to bed.
Sheldon: All right, I'm gonna go scream on the roof.

Penny: Boy, you know, when Sheldon sees you in that dress, he's gonna want to methodically take it off, fold it up, carefully place it in a storage box, label it, and then ravish you.

Amy: I'm just saying, if you think the work is interesting, nothing else should matter.
Sheldon: You're right, Amy. That is sage advice. Which is surprising, considering your momma is so dumb, she-
Amy: (Gets up and leaves) Nope.
Sheldon: (After Amy's gone) She studied for a urine test. (chuckles)

Amy: So, you're Sheldon's big brother.
Georgie: Uh, yeah. He got the brains. I got the bod. (chuckles) And the face and the hair.

Bernadette: Can you get us a little snack?
Penny: You sure you don't want your spy to do it?
Howard: What are you talking about?
Penny: You really don't trust me? You had to have Amy stop by?
Bernadette: We trust you.
Howard: Yeah. You were a terrible waitress, and we still asked you to get us a snack.

Penny: Amy, oh, my God.
Bernadette: You look so beautiful.
Amy: I feel beautiful. And look, both clavicles. Take that, Mom.
Bernadette: You know what they say: if you got 'em, flaunt 'em.

Sheldon: You're a grumpy figment. Look, they're remaking your show, and they cast Wil Wheaton as Professor Proton. And the worst part is, he's not even a scientist.
Professor Proton: No, the-the worst part is, I'm sitting on a moist log.

Amy: That's not much of an apology.
Sheldon: Yeah, because he's not really sorry. Obviously, he wanted a place to go where I wouldn't be and apparently all of outside wasn't enough for him.

Bernadette: Howie, slow down.
Howard: I can't. I'm not allowed to eat for 12 hours before my surgery, and I only got two more minutes.
Leonard: What surgery are you having?
Raj: I'm stress eating. My best friend's getting a vasectomy tomorrow.
Penny: And you're sad you won't be able to bear his child?