Amy: I'm just saying, if you think the work is interesting, nothing else should matter.
Sheldon: You're right, Amy. That is sage advice. Which is surprising, considering your momma is so dumb, she-
Amy: (Gets up and leaves) Nope.
Sheldon: (After Amy's gone) She studied for a urine test. (chuckles)

Bert: Hey, you want to hear one of my geology songs?
Raj: So it's about rocks?
Bert: Better. It's about a boulder.
Raj: Isn't that the same thing?
Bert: Far from it. A boulder has a diameter greater than 25.6 centimeters.
Raj: Is that fact in the song?
Bert: No ... yes.

Raj: I used to have the stuffed raccoon from Guardians of the Galaxy, but Cinnamon licked it raw.
Howard: There's a time and place for your randy dog stories, and it's never and nowhere.

Mark Hamill: Do you (clears throat)- Do you-
Wil Wheaton: Hey, I'm just saying, I'm here if you need me to step in.
Mark Hamill: No, no, no. I got this.

Sheldon: I came here to propose. If you'd said no, I wouldn't want to stick around looking at your stupid face.
Now, mind you, your face is only stupid in the "no" version of the story.
Amy: But I said yes, so I get a lifetime of this.

Mark Hamill: Well, that was unexpectedly beautiful. (sniffles) I might need a minute.

Bert: Sheldon, you left your jacket in my office last night.
Sheldon: Uh, oh. No-no, I didn't. That's-that's not my jacket.
Leonard: Then why does it say, "Property of S. Cooper. Stop touching it."?
Sheldon: It sounds like someone named Scooper doesn't want you touching his jacket.

Nell: You're crazier than he is.
Raj: I'll tell you what, just give him one more chance and if it doesn't work out, I'll be happy to keep sleeping with you.
Nell: You would?
Raj: Either way, you've got yourself a fella. Like, how nice is that?

Amy: Well, we only have two months to find a venue, and I had a thought. What about the Athenaeum club at Caltech?
Sheldon: Albert Einstein was a member there.
Amy: It's beautiful.
Sheldon: Yeah, and Albert Einstein was a member there.
Amy: It's close.
Sheldon: And Albert Einstein was a member there.
Amy: And Albert Einstein was a member there.
Sheldon: Ah. Now you sound like a woman who wants to get married.

Georgie: Where's Mom?
Raj: Uh, she wanted to stop by the hotel and freshen up, and then call her pastor to pray for Missy's soul.

Mark Hamill: Congratulations on your wedding.
Sheldon: Thank you. When this is over, I have 4,000 things for you to sign.

Mrs. Fowler: And did you know that my Amy played Amelia Earhart in the eighth grade?
Penny: Amy, you never said you were in a school play.
Mrs. Fowler: Oh, no, no, at home. I'd never let her do a school play. Those kids just take drugs and have intercourse.

Penny: What's that noise?
Leonard: Oh, it's my new keyboard. It looks and sounds like an old-fashioned typewriter. It makes me feel like a real novelist.
Penny: You poured yourself a Scotch.
Leonard: Apple juice.
Penny: Oh.
Leonard: But unsweetened, like Hemingway used to drink.

Sheldon: I'm working with Bert, but I don't want anyone to find out.
Penny: Well, you just told me, so strong start.

Howard: Look, while Bernadette's on bed rest, we're gonna have to divide and conquer. I've got one monitor for her, one for the baby. Which do you want?
Stuart: I'll take the baby. She's less emasculating.