Leonard: As Sheldon's best man, I need to inform you that this is not a bachelor party.
Sheldon: And tell them why.
Leonard: Because you're a tiresome scold.
Sheldon: No. It's because a bachelor party is typically a hedonistic blowout where no pleasures of the flesh are denied. I'm not interested in that.
Leonard: How is that not exactly what I said?

Sheldon: What is going on?
Howard: Raj is trying to blame me for his pathetic life.
Sheldon: His life isn't pathetic. He's got that whole table to himself!

Penny: Yeah, that is a good point. I'm really proud of the way you're able to express your feelings.
Sheldon: Thank you. I'm just so angry.
Penny: You know, everyone gets angry. Even mommies and daddies.

Leonard: I could spend months up here just going through his math.
Raj: I think Sheldon might.
Howard: Great. Who's gonna tell Amy we lost her fiancee to a madman in the mountains? [Howard and Raj look at Leonard]
Leonard: Hey, I drove.

Sheldon: Reason number 13 to feel good: as a launch, it was bad, but as an explosion, it was glorious. Reason 14: you still have all your fingers, and boys prefer a dad with fingers.
Howard: Thanks for trying, but you're not gonna be able to cheer me up.
Sheldon: Well, how about this, then? You quit your whining before I give you something to cry about, young man.
Howard: What?
Sheldon: Those are comforting words my father would often say.
Howard: Did it help?
Sheldon: I turned out great. You tell me.

Leonard: Wait a minute, are-are you saying that time has multiple dimensions, the same as space?
Doctor Wolcott: No. No, I'm not saying it, the math is saying it. Though it is the math that I invented, so, yes, I guess I am saying it.

Sheldon: Dr. Wolcott, your work on time is revolutionary.
Doctor Wolcott: I would say thank you, but, in my theory of time, you've already called my work revolutionary, I've already thanked you, and I hate repeating myself, so let's move on.

Raj: I stopped by to see if you wanted to go to the movies with me.
Howard: Well, I'd love to, but we're just about to test the interface. It could take a while.
Raj: Okay, buddy, it-- it's not my place, but Bernadette's been feeling a little abandoned with all the hours that you've been putting in.
Amy: You just asked him to go to the movies.
Raj: Yeah, but our weird relationship was grandfathered into their marriage, and yours was not.

Bernadette: Hey, we can make bad decisions.
Penny: Yeah. She had two kids back-to-back and I thought you'd like this, so we're off to a good start.

Amy: But you did ask my father?
Sheldon: I did. He said yes. Although, not in a robot voice, so it wasn't nearly as cool.

Amy: What? This is my bachelorette party, tea and quilts?
Penny: Well, you said you didn't want anything crazy.
Amy: Yes, but I said it like, "I don't want anything crazy." Which clearly means I wanted something crazy. I mean, is this how boring you think I am?
Bernadette: Penny, she asked you a question.

Doctor Wolcott: Well, um, I don't normally allow strangers into my house.
Raj: But when you do, you-you let them out, right?

Howard: Welcome, Bert. Don't you look nice.
Bert: Yeah. Like a geode, I clean up good.
Howard: Don't you crack a geode open?
Bert: It's not a perfect metaphor.

Leonard: Ahh, Sheldon's texting me to drive him to Bernadette's.
Penny: Well, what are you gonna say?
Leonard: Well, they did just introduce the middle finger emoji. If it's not for this, I don't know what it's for.

Bernadette: What do you want?
Sheldon: I just wish I could make Howard feel as angry as I'm feeling.
Bernadette: Well, maybe you could do something he likes and make him jealous.
Sheldon: Like what?
Bernadette: Have you ever read Tom Sawyer?
Sheldon: No.
Bernadette: Chores. He likes chores.
Sheldon: Ooh. What kind of chores?
Bernadette: Well, you could change the batteries in the smoke detectors. That would drive him crazy.
Sheldon: That's great. Oh, he'll be so mad smoke will be coming out of his ears. And then the smoke detectors will detect it.