Leonard: No, absolutely not.
Sheldon: It's not a big deal.We have latex gloves.
Leonard: I don't care what the symptoms are. My girlfriend is not going to give you a prostate exam.

Raj: I'm curious, what part of America is that accent from?

Sheldon: You know I'm in such a good mood I'm actually finding your tenuous grasp of the English language folksy and charming today.

Penny: What would you recommend as a present for a 13-year-old boy?
Stuart: A 13-year-old girl.

Sheldon: Penny.
Penny: What?
Sheldon: I can't sleep.
Penny: Maybe that's because your hole is still open.

Sheldon: Chinese Food, Vintage video games. After the nightmare of Anything Can Happen Thursday, this is Friday night the way it was meant to be.
Howard: Who's up for Sheldon-Free Saturday?

Sheldon: I'd like to have a talk about relationships.
Raj: You were supposed to have the talk with him.

Raj: Okay, what shall be the first to taste the wrath of MONTE?
Leonard: Maybe we should start small.
Raj: Okay, oh, perhaps today is the day we finally find out what's inside the Magic 8 Ball.
Sheldon: Did it when I was 4. It's an icosahedral die floating in tinted blue water.
Raj: Man, call spoiler alert before you say things like that.

Leonard: Remember the day we first met and you asked me to go to your boyfriend's apartment to get your TV back? And he was 9 feet tall and he took my pants off and you said- What was that? What did you say? Oh, yes, you said you owed me one.
Penny: Oh, come on, that's not fair.
Leonard: I came home with no pants.

Sheldon: Excuse me, but I have some concerns about these questions.
DMV Worker: Look at that sign up there.
Sheldon: Yes?
DMV Worker: Does it say I give a damn?
Sheldon: No.
DMV Worker: That's because I don't.

Raj: Come on! You know I can't talk to women unless I'm lit up like the Hindu festival of Diwali.

Penny: Okay, did you even know the people that are moving out?
Sheldon: I never met them. That's what made them perfect. There were no awkward hellos in the halls. There's no clickety-clackety of high-heel shoes on hardwood floors. They may as well have been a family of cats just jumping around from drape to drape. And without that annoying ammonia urine smell.

Sheldon's computer: We are out of herbal tea. Do you have any?
Penny: Okay, let me check.
Sheldon's computer: Some hiney would be nice.
Penny: Hiney?
Sheldon's computer: Honey.

Beverly Hofstadter: Aside from a pro forma consummation of our marriage, his father and I only had intercourse for the purposes of reproduction.
Sheldon: That seems a fairly efficient arrangement.
Beverly Hofstadter: Yes, we think so. We've both done papers on it. Mine from the neuroscientific point of view and his from an anthropological. Mine, of course, was the only one worth reading.
Sheldon: Of course. I would very much like to read about your sex life.
Beverly Hofstadter: Well, it's all online, or you can order it from the Princeton University Press.

Leonard: Sheldon. Don't make that noise, it's disrespectful.
Sheldon: I should hope so. It was a snort of derision.