Mary Cooper: Don't tell me prayer doesn't work.

Howard: (To Bernadette) Come on, I don't wanna eat lamb stew with my mother. (To himself) Damn, was this close to the bra.

Sheldon: Oh, here's a fun fact. Ketchup started out as a general term for sauce, typically made of mushrooms or fish brine with herbs and spices. Some popular early main ingredients included blueberry, anchovy, oyster, kidney bean, and grape.

Wolowitz: Yes, she's pushy, and yes, he's whipped, but that's not the expression.

Penny: Ok, who wants syrup & who wants powdered sugar?
Sheldon: I want oatmeal.
Penny: Well, I want a boyfriend whose roommate isn't a big pain in the ass.
Sheldon: I'm sure that will happen soon enough.

Beverly Hofstadter: Well, initially I felt something akin to grief and perhaps anger, but that's the natural reaction of the limbic system to being betrayed by a loathsome son of a bitch.

Leonard: (to Penny) It upsets Sheldon when you play with the Sheldon.

Wolowitz: You said you were going for a walk.
Sheldon: I didn't say outside.

Sheldon: Where's your notebook?
Penny: Um, I don't have one.
Sheldon: How are you gonna take notes without a notebook?
Penny: I have to take notes?
Sheldon: How else are you gonna study for the tests?
Penny: There's gonna be a test?
Sheldon: Tests. Here. It's college-ruled. I hope that's not too intimidating.

Rajesh:So in Avatar, they have sex on Pandora by linking their ponytails. So their ponytails...are like their junk.
Wolowitz:Yeah, so?
Rajesh: Well when they ride the horses and birds they link their ponytails, too.
Wolowitz: What's your point?
Rajesh: My point is, if I were a horse or a bird I'd be really nervous around James Cameron.

Sheldon: Like the subordinate male protagonist in countless action movies who disappears halfway through the second reel, I have returned to save the day. [pause]. Odd, he's usually met by cheers.

Leonard: Not only that Sheldon saved my life, but that he didn't report me to the landlord, or the police, or homeland security.

Penny: Oh, damn, they canceled my Visa. Oh, yay, a new MasterCard.

Sheldon: I want you to work for me again.
Raj: 'For you' or 'with you'?
Sheldon: In this context, 'for me' can mean 'with me'.
Raj: All right, but I have some conditions.
Sheldon: I reject them all.
Raj: I'll take the job. See you Monday.

Amy: You should also know that all physical contact, up to and including coitus, is off the table.
Sheldon: May I buy you a beverage?
Amy: Tepid water please.
Wolowitz: My God, what have we done?