Howard: I'm Batman.
Sheldon: Oh, I hardly think so. The real caped crusader calls his crime-fighting cohorts when he's running late.
Howard: I had to walk. I couldn't get Raj on the back of my scooter.

Sheldon: Amy, I find myself wondering if we should actually engage in coitus at least one time in our relationship. Bazinga! Bedtime. Please show yourself out.

Sheldon: (Running from the angry mob) Why is there never a pontoon plane when you need one?

Howard: I say we just take him to Tatooine and sell him to some Jawas.
Raj: That's two, dude. Write your own jokes.

Leonard: What about you, Stuart? Do you have a girlfriend yet?
Stuart: Oh, yeah. Yeah, I met her at Comic-con. The one place in the world where saying, "I own a comic book store", is an actual pick-up line.
Leonard: Oh, well, good for you.
Stuart: Not really, she's horrible. When she wants to have sex, she puts on her plus-size Wonder Woman costume and shouts, "Who wants to take a ride in my invisible plane?"
Leonard:Why don't you just break up with her.
Stuart: Heh, no, I can't.
Leonard: Why not?
Stuart: Because then I'd be alone. Like you.

Kripke: I'm Barry Kripke and I'm here because you told me there was a raffle. Where is the raffle?
Sheldon: Patience, patience, Barry, the waffle-- ahem. The raffle... is the grand finale to an evening-long festival of fun and folly.
Kripke: One more question--
Sheldon: Yes, you must be present to win.

Raj: Just think of me as a Brown Martha Stewart.

Penny: You know, they have a really nice bar over at the Olive Garden.
Sheldon: I don't like the Olive Garden. They treat me like family.

Sheldon: Here's your cat and here's your $20.

Mary Cooper: Shelly, dinner's ready.
Sheldon: Coming.
Mary Cooper: No cats!
Sheldon: Aww.

Wyatt: Leonard, you want to come in for a nightcap?
Penny: Oh, gee, dad, he'd love to, but Leonard has to work in the morning.
Leonard: Maybe I could go in a little late.
Penny: No, no, no, you can't. Your career is far too important.
Wyatt: Behind every great man is a nagging woman who won't let him have any fun, am I right, Leonard?
Leonard: Don't I know it.

Sheldon: This act of aggression must be met with swift and cruel ferocity. It is time to cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war.

Leonard: How'd it go last night?
Raj: Y'know, same old same old. Looked through a telescope, saw some stars. Big whoop.

Penny: How long was it?
Leonard: 94 seconds.

Penny: Oh Balls!