Dr. Koothrappali: We heard there was a tornado in Kansas City, is that close to you?
Priya: No.

Sheldon: I'm hell-bent on catching a cyber criminal, not the common cold.

Sheldon: # Nobody knows the trouble I've seen. Nobody knows my sorrow. #

Mrs. Wolowitz Howard, get the door.
Howard: Why can't you get it?
Mrs. Wolowitz You know I'm doing a bowel cleanse for my colonoscopy. I'm like an upside-down volcano here.

Amy: If you'd have let me bring the chloroform, we wouldn't have had to put up with all this jibber-jabber!

Priya: My brother had a group of friends like this in India. They dressed up in leotards and goggles and called themselves the New Delhi Power Rangers.
Penny: How old were they?
Priya: Not as young as you'd want them to be.

*Knock, Knock*
Leonard: Who is it?
Amy: Amy Farrah Fowler.
Sheldon: Darn, she found me.
Leonard: She's been here before.
Sheldon: The only flaw in an otherwise perfect plan. Now get my back, Jack.
Leonard: What do you want me to do?
Sheldon: Tell her I'm not here.
Leonard: Where are you?
Sheldon: I don't know. You'll have to devise a scenario that plausibly explains my absence keeping in mind that the key to a good lie lies in the details.
*Later, Leonard answers the door to Amy*
Leonard: Hi, Amy. Sheldon's not here.
Amy: All right.
Sheldon (to Leonard): Way to go on the details.

Sheldon: Possible explanations for your symptoms are, in descending order of likelihood: hyperthyroidism, premature menopause, hosting an alien parasite, or, and I only include it for the sake of covering absolutely all bases, sexual arousal.
Amy: Where would I have picked up an alien parasite?

Leonard: (To Raj) I'd like to kick your little brown ass.

Leonard: So, hot in India?
Dr. Koothrappali: Of course it is, it always is. It's India. Now, what do have to say for yourself?
Leonard: Uh, that is a beautiful tapestry.
(Raj's parents look back, Leonard closes laptop)

Sheldon: Don't worry. As you tertiary friend I'm prepared to step in and comfort you.
Howard: It's not really necessary.
Sheldon: Ah no. I'll finish making the tea while you narcissistically ramble on about whatever's troubling you.
Howard: Thanks.
Sheldon: That's what tertiary friends are for.

Priya: I guess he is a little quirky.
Wolowitz: Quirky? That crazy bastard is looking at quirky in the rear view mirror.

Zack: So, long story short, I nailed her.
Sheldon: When he finished, he shouted Eureka!
Zack: No, I always shout, Holy Moly! Don't know why. Just do.

Leonard: But there is something I should prepare you for.
Mary Cooper: Oh, relax, Leonard. I have raised that boy. I have seen him at his best and I've seen him at his worst. There's nothing he can do that will surprise me.

Sheldon: How did you even get it in here?
Raj: That's for me, Ramon, Julio, Jesus and Rodrigo to know and you to find out.