Barry Kripke: I'm Barry Kripke and I'm here because you told me there was going to be a raffle. When is the raffle?

Raj: I'm a lamb!

Amy (to Penny): You do understand that it will distract you from obsessing over the rich variety of sweet loving your ex-boyfriend is currently receiving from the fiery jewel of Mumbai?

Sheldon: How wonderful, dinner with some assembly required.

Raj: This is not over!

Althea: My, my, my. What do we have here?
Howard: I slipped and fell.
Althea: Yeah, we get that a lot.

Sheldon: [through virtual presence device] This is a photograph of the 1911 Solvay Conference on the theory of radiation and quanta. Using Photoshop, I've introduced a few anachronisms. See if you can spot all 24. I'll give you the first one. Madame Curie should not be wearing a digital watch. And go.
Leonard: That’s it. Bye-bye. [turns off screen]
Sheldon: [screen turns on] Bazinga.
Leonard: Whoa! [car swerves]
Sheldon: I have an override switch.
Leonard: I almost died!
Sheldon: And I'm safe and sound in bed. Who's crazy now?
Leonard: I'm still going to go with you.

Raj: Penny, dear, why don't you shoot another silver bullet my way?
Penny: Get one yourself.
Raj: Ooh, somebody's been taking bitchy pills.
Penny: God, he's an ass when he drinks.
Howard: Oh, he's an ass when he doesn't. You just don't hear it.

Raj: Hey, so what did you guys think of the new episode of Caprica last night?
Leonard: I didn't see it.
Howard: Didn't see it? What were you doing?
Leonard: Uh, I was out.
Raj: On Caprica night?
Leonard: Yeah, I, uh, went for a drink.
Howard: Really, you, and where, where did you go?
Leonard: To, uh, Lucky Baldwin's.
Sheldon: Oh, I've heard of that place. Isn't that Pasadena's favorite Irish watering hole?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Did you meet anyone interesting there, perhaps a promiscuous redheaded barmaid?
Leonard: As a matter of fact I-I-I can't. I can't. I can't do it.

Sheldon: I'd like to offer a laudatory statement about Howard's many excellent qualities that I believe will tip the scales back in his favor. Howard Joewl Wolowitz. H is for honesty, of which he has much. O's for outstanding, which he is such. W's for witty, he's quick with a joke. A's for artistic, his ability-
Agent Page: I'm sorry, Dr. Cooper, this matter is already closed.
Sheldon: But I still have rd Joel Wolowitz to go.

Leonard: Thanks for the steak, Wyatt.
Wyatt: My pleasure. Its nice to have dinner with a boyfriend of Pennys that knows how to use a napkin.

Wyatt: Let me tell you about this one genius she was going out with. This, this fella Donnie.
Penny: Oh, will you please let it go?
Wyatt: Donnie was gonna make millions turning farm waste into bio-fuel and selling it to the government.
Leonard: A lot of people are doing that.
Penny: Oh, see?
Wyatt: Yeah, but all Donnie did was mix pig poop with a little water and pump it into his mom's Camry.

Wyatt: And Donnie was a rocket scientist compared to that boy who wanted to get beer pong into the Olympics. What was his name, sweetheart?
Penny: Curtis, and I'm pretty sure he was joking.
Wyatt: I don't know. That petition looked real to me.

Wyatt: Now I'm going to do something here to help you along.
Leonard: Excuse me?
Wyatt: Just don't panic. (yelling) Now, get your sorry, lying ass out of my face and make sure I never see it again!
Leonard: Oh, the reverse psychology thing. I see. That's very clever.
Wyatt: Don't yap. Just get out.
Leonard: I'll friend you on Facebook!

Leonard: So this button here will allow you to scan a new equation, but over here, you can press this and just substitute new values for the coefficients.
Sheldon: Good one, boss.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: This diagram. I assume you were opening with a joke. It certainly buoyed up this employee's esprit de corps.
Leonard: It's not a joke. It's the real design.
Sheldon: In that case, may I offer 27 little tweaks to make it slightly less embarrassing?