Penny: Okay, glasses off. Find Waldo.

Sheldon: I found three bowling pins. Do you juggle these or are you missing seven?
Howard: Juggle.
Sheldon: You health nuts kill me.

Sheldon: Settle down there, fake Wolowitz. No one likes a kiss-up.

Sheldon: (Playing hackey sack) One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Drat. I'm never going to get to forty-three again. One, two, three, four. Rats.

Cop: You guys need me to call someone? I'm guessing your moms?
Leonard: Thanks, but we've got it covered.
Howard: Okay, I just talked to my mom.

Sheldon: Penny, please don't hurt my friend.

Sheldon: That's my parking spot.
Raj: Why do you have a parking spot? You don't have a car. You don't even drive.
Leonard: Maybe they reassigned it because you never use it.
Sheldon: Well, I'm not using my nipples either. Maybe they should reassign those.

Sheldon: Well, that stinks. No wonder you got cancelled. Bye.

Sheldon: I believe in a gender blind society like in Star Trek. Where women and men of all races and creeds worked side-by-side as equals.
Leonard: You mean where they were advanced enough to develop an interstellar warp drive, but a black lady still answered the space phone?

Penny: Hey! Shouldn't you be out with your gang spray painting equations on the sides of buildings?

Bernadette: If you like pushing buttons so much, try pushing them on the washing machine.

Sheldon: Is there any reason you're keeping this dead goldfish?
Penny: Damn, I forgot to feed him. And that I had him.

Leonard: Penny started taking a class. She wrote a paper, she didn't want me to read it, I went behind her back and I read it anyway.
Sheldon: Stephen Hawking hates me.
Leonard: I don't know what to do. I mean, the paper's terrible. But if I tell her, she'll know that I read it and she'll get really mad.
Sheldon: I was beating him so bad, he doesn't want to be friends anymore. Why does everyone love me except Stephen Hawking?
Leonard: Is it possible we're having two different conversations?
Sheldon: How would I know? I'm not listening to you.

Penny: What am I supposed to say?
Leonard: Say "Can't talk right now, hanging with my boyfriend. England sucks. You suck. USA number one."

Sheldon: Svaty Vaclav is better known as Good King Wenceslas from the beloved Victorian Christmas carol.
Howard: Never heard of it. Must be the one Christmas song not written by a Jewish guy.