Bernadette: Great news. A raccoon virus just crossed the species barrier and can now infect humans.
Raj: Why is that great news?
Bernadette: In the pharmaceutical business we have a saying: mo' infections, mo' money.

Sheldon: Well, this is confusing for me. But I don't want to stand in the way of your happiness. So, I will condemn you internally while maintaining an outward appearance of acceptance.
Mary: That is very Christian of you.

Penny: [to Raj] Run to India.

Sheldon: Aren't you gonna come with me?
Howard: While you confront your mother about her sex life? I'd rather go back to that bar in assless chaps.

Bernadette: But we have jobs, we can't babysit her twenty-four hours a day.
Howard: What if we use our vacation time?
Bernadette: I wanted to go to Hawaii, not Hell.

Leonard: I'm not sure it's a good idea to take Penny to where wine comes from.

Bernadette: I'm excited to meet Emily.
Howard: I just hope he doesn't blow it.
Bernadette: Why would you say that?
Howard: Because he's Raj. That's his thing. Beckham can bend it. Ralph can wreck it. Raj can blow it.

Sheldon: What is your problem?
Amy: It's Valentine's day. We're supposed to be having a romantic weekend.
Sheldon: Oh, really? 'cause I remember you saying this trip was going to be something we could both enjoy. Did you mean that or were you just trying to trick me?
Amy: Fine, it's true. I deserve romance and I didn't know how else to make it happen.

Sheldon: How do I make them stop loving me?
Leonard: You could invite them to live with us.

Raj: Hey, listen to this. Murder, cannibalism and satanic rituals are just a few of the thousand-plus horrors that await.
Howard: I just helped my mum out of the tub, so I'm one slippery horror ahead of you.

Raj: You know when Cinnamon won't take her medicine. I hide it in a piece of cheese.
Howard: Good idea. We can wrap up the pill in cheese, feed it to Cinnamon and then my mom can eat Cinnamon.

Penny: Oh, I get it. Like C-3PO. ... What happened to me?

Howard: So I'm almost done writing the song for Bernadette. Are you cool playing the cello?
Leonard: If by cool you mean willing to, yes. If by cool you mean cool, clearly you've never seen me play the cello.

Bernadette: Maybe we should get one of those machines to help her up the stairs.
Howard: You mean a forklift?

Sheldon: I've changed. Like the frog who's put in a pot of water that's heated so gradually, he doesn't realize he's boiling to death.
Penny: Or you're the frog who's been kissed by the princess and turned into a prince.
Leonard: Or you're just a tall, annoying frog.