Raj: So, how's it going with the title to the house?
Howard: Great, it's all done. The lawyer tracked down my father and got him to sign it over. I didn't have to meet him, I didn't have to talk to him, I don't even know where he is.
Raj: Wow, so you're not curious at all?
Howard: Nope.
Raj: What if he's in prison? What if he's a spy? What if he's in a Beatles cover band? I'm just saying, if he's got your nose and haircut, he'd make a killer Ringo.

Penny: Wait, what is wrong with you two? He was talking about television during their date night.
Sheldon: Oh, not just date night. Our 5th anniversary.
Penny: Okay, see, that's even dumber than you wondering if being bitten by a goat would give you the powers of a goat.
Sheldon: If that happens, don't make me wait ten years to watch you eat a tin can.

Penny: Why are there tears?
Leonard: Everything's fine. We just started talking about living arrangements.
Amy: Are you crazy? You know he's a flight risk!
Sheldon: That's exactly what I told him.

Leonard: Penny is not the reason I did not pursue that idea.
Sheldon: Oh really? Since meeting her, what have been your greatest accomplishments?
Raj: Easy. Sleeping with Penny.
Howard: Getting Penny to go back out with him after she dumped him.
Raj: Tricking Penny into getting engaged.
Howard: And a few weeks ago he almost did a pull-up!

Howard: That would be great. I'd love for things between me and mom to get back to normal.
Bernadette: Well, normal's a strong word, but sure.

Penny: Okay, you can't just go chasing after every girl who's nice to you.
Dr. Lorvis: Well, that's not what Sheldon says, and he seems to know his way around the ladies.

Sheldon: Are they making fun of us?
Raj: Yep.
Sheldon: I miss the old days when I couldn't tell.

Sheldon: I've learned that 1 in 700,000 people die from general anesthesia.
Leonard: But do you realize that means 699,999 people don't die?
Sheldon: I suppose that's true. You're such a glass half full kind of guy. I'm going to miss that.

Leonard: Not once did my mother ever give me any love or affection for just being myself. I always had to earn it.
Mary Cooper: Oh, Leonard, I'm sure she loves you very much. In her own cold godless way.

Raj: Ever since I saw Pretty in Pink, I've wanted to go to an American prom. But then I saw Carrie and did not want to go to an American prom. Then I saw Never Been Kissed and I'm back on the prom bandwagon. This prom things been a real rollercoaster.

Sheldon: Ignore them, Amy. They're just jealous because they'll never have a relationship as good as ours.
Penny: Isn't this when he says "bazooka" or something?

Howard: So in addition to being crazy, you're resting the weight of the mission on your athletic prowess?
Raj: Yes.
Howard: The man who crashed his stationary bike?
Raj: I didn't crash it, okay? My playlist was too up tempo, I got light headed and I fell off.

Sheldon: Let's see. What do I know about Amy? She loves medieval literature. Chaucer's her favorite. And her eyes sparkle when she watches old French movies. And I enjoy how harp music causes her fingers to dance as if she's playing along.
Bernadette: Wow, you really do love her.
Sheldon: I do. Now, let's find the kind of gift that makes her feel small and worthless.

Penny: I mean, who even reads Scientific American?
Leonard: It's kind of a big deal.
Penny: If it's such a big deal, how come the biggest celebrity they could get for the cover is a molecule?

Amy: You better watch that attitude, buddy. You're dating the popular girl now.