Amy: And rolling.
Sheldon: Hello. I am theoretical physicist, Dr. Sheldon Cooper, auditioning for the role of Professor Proton.
Now, excuse me while I get into character. (Turns around and back. In the same monotonous voice) Hello, I am Professor Proton.

Leonard: I want to know, why aren't you proud of me?
Beverly Hofstadter: Well, isn't the real question, "Why aren't you proud of yourself?"
Leonard: No, that is a question - and I ask it a lot - but let's stick with the one I asked you.
Beverly Hofstadter: But why do you think I'm not proud of you?
Leonard: Because you never say it. But two days into chatting with Penny, and you can't stop telling her how great she is.
Beverly Hofstadter: She is great. Honestly, of all of my children's spouses, she's the one that I'm most impressed by.
Leonard: Seriously?
Beverly Hofstadter: Yes. She's confident, she's thoughtful, and she never complained about you once. I know what kind of strength that takes.

Howard: Now you're gonna want to slowly switch lanes.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: Because there are only two, and you're not in either of them.

Raj: All I'm saying is before you attack Ruchi, maybe you should take a long hard look in the mirror, because you know what you'll see, apart from radiant skin and luxuriously thick hair? Hypocrisy!
Bernadette: It is thick.

Penny: Now, why don't you go wash up, and we'll call you when dinner's ready.
Sheldon: Okay. (Sheldon leaves)
Leonard: (surprised) What did you do? Are you a witch?

Leonard: That's amazing.
Penny: I know. But, you know, it's only birth to five. What do we do when he turns six?
Leonard: Take him to the zoo and leave him there.

Leonard: Look, this is your wedding, just pick whoever you want. You don't need to worry about anyone else but yourself. You've kind of been training for this your whole life.

Amy: I know we only have coitus on my birthday, but I don't know if I can wait until midnight.
Sheldon: Oh, well, you'll be glad you did. Everyone knows the best foreplay is rigid adherence to a strict schedule.

Leonard: And Amy's your best friend. I'm sure she'll come to her senses and pick you.
Penny: Okay, she's not my best friend. We're not 12. If she wants Bernadette to be her maid of honor, I really don't care.
Leonard: Sounds like you care.
Penny: No, I mean, it-it's just annoying. You know, we talk every day. We see each other all the time. She's always there for me, and basically-- oh, my God, Amy's my best friend.
Leonard: You okay?
Penny: No, my best friend didn't ask me to be her maid of honor. I'm pissed!

Sheldon: All right, you ready for your next one? Just a warning, this one's a little annoying. (imitates a high-pitched siren)
Leonard: Let's take a little little break, I'm getting a headache.
Sheldon: Aw, right in the middle of our fun game.
Leonard: Yeah, weird.

Penny: So, let me get this straight. You are the president of the tenants association?
Sheldon: President, only member, and harshest critic. I once gave myself an official reprimand for conducting a meeting in the shower. The steam warped my gavel.

Sheldon: Neither of them will be the actual cake. I'm just using it as a bargaining chip to get Amy to agree to the whole wedding party getting rings and us getting one ring to rule them all.

Penny: It was a long time ago, we were broken up.
Raj: Which breakup was that? Was that the Saint Valentine's Day Massacre?
Howard: No, no. This might've been during the Comic-Con Dump-A-Thon.
Penny: You have names for our breakups?
Raj: Well, they would really blur together if we didn't.
Sheldon: The Comic-Con breakup's easy to remember because Leonard was the saddest Pikachu.
Amy: Right, and he wiped his nose on your cape, and then you were the saddest Darth Vader.

Sheldon: I'm just a regular guy, with a regular enemies list. Which, by the way, you are no longer on.
Wil Wheaton: Really? Well, that is something. It's not something that I care about, but it is something.

Sheldon: I call this meeting of the Council of Sheldons to order. Let's take roll. Science Sheldon?
Science Sheldon: Present.
Sheldon: Texas Sheldon?
Texas Sheldon: Howdy.
Sheldon: Fanboy Sheldon?
Fanboy Sheldon: Greetings.
Sheldon: Germaphobe Sheldon?
Germaphobe Sheldon: Say it, don't spray it.
Humorous Sheldon: Where's Jock Sheldon?
Sheldon: Not the time, Humorous Sheldon!