Howard: Maybe I'll just hang out here for a while.
Stuart: Great. And you can make fun of me all you want.
Howard: No, that's okay.
Stuart: No, no, no. Go on. I can take it. My feelings, like my extremities, are basically numb.

Raj: Boo-hoo. You know what you sound like? Babies. Two whiny babies. And there's nothing worse than being stuck with two whiny babies!
Howard: Oh. Oh, my God, I'm gonna have two babies.
Raj: No, no, no, no. Babies are great. You're lucky to have two babies. I mean, look at me, uh, I'm all alone.
I'm never gonna have babies, 'cause you can't make a baby watching Netflix with your dog.
Penny: Thanks for coming.

Sheldon: Uh, let's-let's do it here, in-in the evenings, after everyone's gone home.
Bert: I just have to see if my evenings are free. That's a joke. They are.

Sheldon: Stephen Hawking is a genius. If he said 'no,' I wasn't going to waste time on her father.

Sheldon: Penny, this is serious. My reputation is on the line. What are people gonna think when they see us collaborating?
Penny: I don't know. Poor Bert?

Penny: You know, whenever I find a top I like, I always go back and get a second one in a different color. Which I hope is not the case with your baby.

Leonard: So do you not want the cake?
Penny: Try and take it away, see what happens. (Penny starts eating as Leonard checks his phone).
Leonard: Oh, crap, it is our anniversary.
Penny: (Her mouth covered in chocolate cake) Happy anniversary!

Bernadette: You know, there's so much money in pharmaceuticals, we don't even wash out our old test tubes. We just throw 'em out and get new ones.
Amy: I just got a brand new, state-of-the-art fMRI machine.
Bernadette: Whoa, those things are so expensive.
Amy: I know! Sometimes I just lie down in there and take a nap. It's like a million dollar bunk bed.

Sheldon: But I need it. It's the only way to settle the contradictions between gravity and quantum mechanics.
Penny: Well, it's too much money, you can't ask for that all at once.
Sheldon: Well, what if I ask for it in six easy installments of $83,333,333.33?

Amy: That's such a relief. I mean, part of me was worried I was being unfair to Sheldon.
Bernadette: Take that part of yourself and hide it away. Just like I did with last year's bonus check that I didn't get.

Wil Wheaton: Hello, Sheldon. I suppose you've come here to tell me that you've moved me to your super secret enemies list.
Sheldon: I don't have a super secret enemies list. I'm not a Bond villain. I'm just a regular guy, with a regular enemies list.

Amy: Why do you keep tying and untying that bow tie?
Sheldon: I can't seem to get it even.
Amy: Well, I don't think it's supposed to be even. Sometimes a little asymmetry looks good. In the Renaissance, they called it "sprezzatura."
Sheldon: The Renaissance? Amy, you know I'm more of an Enlightenment person. At some point, we have to decide how we want to raise the children.

Sheldon: Some news of our wedding. I have sent you all a "save the date" e-mail.
Penny: Oh, exciting. You guys picked a date?
Sheldon: Better. I picked 80 dates. And I need you to save them all until we narrow it down.

Penny: I thought they fired you guys.
Sheldon: They did, but then they hired me back.
Leonard: Well, you better not be working on our project, because we're a team.
Sheldon: Leonard, there is no "I" in team. However, there is an "I" in "I'm working with the military and you're not." There's five of them, in fact.

Amy: Okay, you ready?
Sheldon: Yeah, almost. I'm working on my facial expressions. See, uh, I've got interested. Hmm.
I've got very interested. Hmm.
Oh, and, uh, enraged.
Amy: Why would you be enraged?
Sheldon: Better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it.