Raj: So Ruchi and I decided to keep things casual.
Penny: (scoffs)
Raj: What? What? I can handle casual.
Penny: (scoffs)
Raj: Oh, why do you keep doing that with your face?
Penny: Because you keep saying stupid things with yours.

Stuart: Oh, look at that. Neil Gaiman tweeted about my store!
Howard: What did he say? Uh, "Next time you're in Pasadena, check out The Comic Center. Great vibe, old school, the owner really knows his stuff." Isn't that amazing?
Sheldon: Well, uh, it's no Sandman, but I guess we can't expect everything he writes to be a masterpiece.

Wil Wheaton: [on TV] It's time for Professor Proton's science joke of the day. Why can you not trust atoms?
Sheldon: Hmm.
Wil Wheaton: [on TV] Because they make up everything.
Sheldon: Oh, that's funny! Yeah, because they do. They make up everything.

Amy: Why do you keep tying and untying that bow tie?
Sheldon: I can't seem to get it even.
Amy: Well, I don't think it's supposed to be even. Sometimes a little asymmetry looks good. In the Renaissance, they called it "sprezzatura."
Sheldon: The Renaissance? Amy, you know I'm more of an Enlightenment person. At some point, we have to decide how we want to raise the children.

Howard: I can't believe her. She knows I don't want to name the baby after her dad.
Amy: What did you want to name him?
Howard: I don't know. We were gonna wait until we saw what he looked like.
Amy: Well, it's a baby. Her dad's a wrinkly bald man. That wasn't gonna break your way.

Sheldon: Can you believe they said I was just like Edison? Yeah, and in front of a lady, no less.

Sheldon: Some news of our wedding. I have sent you all a "save the date" e-mail.
Penny: Oh, exciting. You guys picked a date?
Sheldon: Better. I picked 80 dates. And I need you to save them all until we narrow it down.

Leonard: Look, this is your wedding, just pick whoever you want. You don't need to worry about anyone else but yourself. You've kind of been training for this your whole life.

Raj: I thought you were boycotting Wil's show.
Sheldon: I was, but I decided to give it a shot, and I actually enjoyed it. Just out of curiosity, how did you come to be on the show? Did he ask you? Did you ask him? Did you just show up on the set and ring that doorbell?
Howard: Sheldon, if you want to be on the show, you're gonna have to apologize to Wil.
Sheldon: That would be the mature thing to do. Let's put a pin in that and keep thinking.

Penny: You know what? It's fine. Write whatever you want. And by the way, Logan Dean can tell everyone he's five-eight, but he's not fooling anybody!

Amy: So, it's strange, Sheldon was talking in his sleep last night, and he seemed like a totally different person. He was relaxed and loose and calm.
Leonard: Well, Sheldon's a complicated man.
Amy: He said "whatev."
Leonard: Give him a brain scan, that might be a tumor.

Raj: What, y-you stole our Bitcoin?
Sheldon: Oh, calm down. All I did was sneak onto your computer and download your Bitcoin onto a flash drive.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: I'm not keeping it. I just wanted to watch you sweat.
Howard: If you want to watch him sweat, walk up a flight of stairs with him.
Sheldon: I've waited seven long years, but it finally happened.
Leonard: Where's our money?
Sheldon: That's the best part. It's on the Batman flash drive on your key chain. You've had it in your pocket all along.
Leonard: Sheldon I lost that key chain years ago.
Sheldon: Really? D-D-Did you look under things?

Sheldon: So with this level of high-power laser array, we would actually be able to solve the black hole information paradox once and for all.
President Siebert: That's impressive, and how much funding were you looking for?
Sheldon: $20 million.
President Siebert: Really? You think you can build that for $20 million?
Sheldon: Not a chance.
President Siebert: I'm sorry, then why are you asking me for it?
Sheldon: Because once you've spent $20 million, you're much more likely to give me an additional 50.
President Siebert: So actually, what you're saying is with $70 million, you can build this.
Sheldon: I can see why you'd think that, but no. You can't go to the board of trustees and say you gave Sheldon Cooper $70 million and have nothing to show for it. No, the only way you'd be able to save face is to double down.
President Siebert: So 140?
Sheldon: And then double again.
President Siebert: 280?
Sheldon: And then - good news - not quite double again. So, uh, what do you say? We have a deal?

Penny: What's up?
Beverly Hofstadter: Well, I enjoyed our conversation the other day, and I was hoping to continue it.
Penny: Really?
Beverly Hofstadter: Uh, yes. You may find this surprising, but I don't have a lot of what you would call girlfriends.
Penny: (exaggerated) What?
Beverly Hofstadter: Of course, there are my female colleagues, but, uh, they're all Freudians, so the only boy that I can dish about is my father. (chuckles)

Sheldon: Well, luckily, I got the number of the company who's trying to reboot the show, so I need you all to call and register your displeasure.
Raj: Sheldon, no one's gonna do that.
Sheldon: Not true. I know of three calls they've received already: a Southern gentleman, um, a Cockney chimney sweep, and, uh, Mr. T, hmm? Who - spoiler alert - pities the fool who tries to reboot that show.